A Dream Come True

Just want to put a shout out to my boy.  I was pretty old for a first-time parent.  Logan was born when I was 36.  Seems like just yesterday.  I waited a long time for him and when he came into my life, I could not have been happier.

Every day really has been a joy since he came around.  Every phase he ever went through was full of wonder.  I just can't imagine my life without him in it.

Every now and then, I'll hear of, or see a frazzled parent who is just sick of their kid (or kids.)  I'm not talking about behavioral problem kids or kids with disabilities.  I'm just talking about flat-out normal kids.  I remember reading an article where a mother was hacked off with her two daughters and as they were walking down the street, the mother was a few steps behind them and flipped them off.

That wasn't the shocking part.  The shocking part to me was how many other mothers were supportive and understanding of the action! 

I just don't get it.  Maybe Dads have it easier.  I don't know.  Kids don't wreak the havoc on our bodies that they do on their mothers.  When Logan needed round the clock feeding as an infant, it was his mother who bore the brunt. 

However, I changed at least as many poopy diapers.  I got up in the middle of the night with him when he had ear aches.  Back in the days when he didn't sleep through the night (due to sleep apnea caused by enlarged adenoids and tonsils, which have since been removed), he did a number on my sleep, too.

Which is to say, I feel like I pitched in equally or moreso on everything other than nursing.  I've been tired with him, frustrated and had to handle him when he's been throwing a little tantrum.

Overall, though, those times were very few. 

Part of it is that he's not a teen, yet.  Maybe he'll get rebellious, then.  Who knows.

He's a very well-behaved kid.  Doesn't give anybody a hard time.  He's sensitive, considerate and polite.  In that and so many other ways, it's as though I dreamed him up.

Sometimes I wonder whether the parents who seem to resent their kids so much have kids who are hard to handle specifically because the parents view the kids as some sort of inconvenience in their lives.

Personally, my son is basically the reason for my life.  Everything I did prior to this was to prepare me to be a father.  I have one shot at this and it doesn't last that long.  My time with him is already basically halfway over.

His mother and I are not together anymore.  This is my weekend without him.  On the one hand, it's nice because I can run errands and catch up on everything that I feel guilty doing when he's here.  On the other hand, there's an emptiness in my life when he's gone. 

There are so many more lessons he needs to learn. He's already coming to understand that some people are just plain mean.  Two girls at school have been known to say cruel things to classmates.  Logan also has a team-mate on one of his sports teams who is sarcastic and puts other players down.

As much as possible, I wish I could keep him in a controlled world for as long as possible.  However, he has to learn to function in the world as it is, not as I wish it was.

I truly believe that someday, I'll look back on my life, and my only regrets will be in the ways I came up short for the people I loved.  The money?  The career?  That's all such small potatoes.  When I'm gone, my only connection to immortality will be my son. 

So, yeah, my boy is and always has been a dream come true for me.  Probably always will be.  No matter how hard I try to resist it, time is moving relentlessly and only in one direction.  I'm looking forward to the next 9 years.  Once they're gone, I probably won't know what to do with myself.

I guess I could always throw myself wholeheartedly into whatever career I'm doing at the time.  Probably not a bad idea because I'll have, at most, maybe another 15 working years, and that'll be it.

Once my son leaves the house, though, I will still have a relationship, but I won't get to see him nearly as much as I wish.  We won't be as big a part of each other's lives as I'd want. 

Which makes it all the more important to make the most of these days, now.  I waited a long time for them.  When they're gone, they won't come back again.