We've seen this type of column written before. Usually, it's an article about how you should be supportive and respectful and teach your kids to be that way. I won't rehash that ground. It's been well-done in the past and I doubt I could add more to it.
However, there's another piece of advice I'd like to give to people with kids in sports.
My son is getting ready to start another year of travel baseball. Really, his "year" never really ends. The season ends in mid-July. He gets maybe a month break, then tryouts for the next year's team. This is a highly selective and competitive program and he needs to make the team every year.
During this "time off" he has private coaching that he goes through to try and stay sharp for the tryouts. Mid October, Fall workouts end and he gets a break until January. During that time, he's also playing football and basketball.
The kid doesn't get a break, but he loves sports. If I made him stay home, he'd hate it.
This has given me a lot of experience as a sports Dad, and there are some things I learned that are worth reiterating.
Note: I'm going to use the masculine in referring to kids, but this applies to female athletes as well.
So, here it is: let the coaches coach. Keep your mouth shut. This is very, very hard. You see your kid playing, he's doing something wrong, and you want to set him on the right path. You are very, very well intentioned on this.
However, you need to resist the urge. Other than cheering for your kid, you need to keep your mouth shut. Why? Because your kid already has a coach. Depending on the team, he may have two or three or four. He's trying to listen to them and focus on the game.
If you've ever tried to do something with 3 or 4 people standing over your shoulder, you are only starting to get the picture.
Now, try doing something with 3 or 4 people not only standing over you, evaluating your every action, but yelling at you, all at once.
Starting to get a clearer picture here?
Now, throw in one more person, who is the uber-person authority figure in your universe, whose voice pierces through all that other noise, who is also yelling at you. While you're trying to focus on what the coach, and maybe the assistant coach are yelling, and while you're trying to pay attention to a game where not only are there a lot of skills involved, with a potential for injury, plus a whole bunch of kids on the other side of the ball trying to make you fail.
The very fact that your kid has to try and keep his ears tuned to see if you're trying to get his attention means he's got that much less focus on the task at hand.
This is not to say that there is never a time for you to speak up. I'll just say that before you do, think twice, then think a third time, then a fourth. The times when you should say something, but don't, will be outnumbered about 50 to 1 with the times when you should have kept your mouth shut but didn't. If you never say anything, you will come out ahead on this, I assure you.
I am no angel on this, trust me. Now, I have vowed to only open my mouth when my son is clearly just drifting off daydreaming, and then, only to say, "Hey, heads up out there!" I also vow not to say this very often... once a day, max, is my goal.
If your kid is playing travel sports, and you didn't play professionally or in college, chances are the coaches on the team know more about the game than you do. Let them coach. You actually make the coaches' job more difficult when you're trying to coach your kid at gametime. Especially if you weren't actively involved in helping at every practice, you just don't know what's been going on, what the coach has been working on, what instruction he's been giving your kid, etc
So, for most travel teams, you will tend to do far more harm than good by trying to coach your kid at gametime.
What about rec league sports? Yeah, sometimes the coaches aren't very good. I actually coached a kids' 3 and 4 year old soccer team. My qualifications were that I had never coached a sport and have never played soccer. When the minimum wage kid running the program at the YMCA/JCC walked up and asked, "Hey, would you mind helping a little bit with the coaching?" I said "no problem" not realizing that I was volunteering for the head coaching job.
Even so, rec league is supposed to be "recreation". Let the coaches coach. Let the kids play. This is supposed to be "play" and recreation is supposed to be fun. Don't take things too seriously. As hard as it is for a hand-selected kid on a travel team to have 3 people yelling at him, it's even harder for a younger kid who might not be playing at a very high level.
This should go without saying, but people don't like having their shortcomings harped on in public. The more you yell at your kid about all the things they're doing wrong, the less they're going to enjoy the game.
Now, we know that sometimes you have to correct your kid. That's part of being a parent. I've heard a rule of thumb that I try to adhere to: for every negative thing you say to a person, you need to have a relationship such that you're saying 5 positive things to them. Same goes for sports. Make sure that there are lots of positive comments and attaboys when they're doing things right. It'll keep the negative comments in perspective.
Please take this one to heart, for your sanity and the mental health of your child: don't try to coach them at gametime. The time to coach them, if you're so inclined and knowledgeable enough, is when you're home, away from the team, getting some quality one on one time with them.
Gametime? They're in front of their friends and a whole lot of strangers. It's easy to inadvertently embarass them.
Spend the time during non-game days if you're determined to coach your child. You'll both be better off for it.
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