January first has finally rolled around. It's 2015. I honestly don't fully feel like I know how I got here. Yet, here I am.
A year is enough time to change your entire life. I've seen it. I've experienced it. More than once. This year is especially significant since I roll over the 50 mark. Yes, my god, I am that old.
2014 was a transformative year for me. It started like the years before. I was slogging my way through a joyless life. Halfway through the year, I met a person who resonated with me on every wavelength. One thing led to another and by August, I was unrecognizable relative to who I had been in June.
It wasn't that this person pushed me, or encouraged me, or told me I needed to change in any way. They woke me up, though, to who I had been, and to who I was.
The changes were all over, but most noticeably in the area of fitness. Thanks to a workout routine that included free weights, 5 and 6 mile runs and low carb diet, I dropped from about 210 to around 185.
That's roughly where I am, today, though I've probably gained some of the weight back. I gave myself December off. Previous endurance training has given me the belief that you need periodic downtime for your mental and physical well-being. Bodies get beat-up. Hairline fractures start developing. Ligaments and tendonds get strained. Mentally, folks start getting worn down.
December is now officially over. 2015 has begun. In 2014, I was very close to some of the best shape I've ever been in. My bloodwork was phenomenal and I had six pack abs that I would show anybody who wouldn't run away covering their eyes.
I think there's another level beyond that and I think I can hit it in 2015. So, here is what I will be
working on this year:
1. Shoulders, arms, glutes: working on muscling up a little bit. Especially glutes so I don't end up with flabby, flat, old man ass. This is particularly a concern for me since, thanks to my Asian ancestry, I'm gleutially challenged anyway.
2. Abs: I feel like I got these just about right in 2014, but will be working on core strength with a wider variety of exercises in 2015. The bulk of what I've been doing is incline board at several settings, 20 reps per setting, 5 settings, for a total of 100 reps. I do this several times per week. This year, I'll start adding weight to the reps and doing other exercises that hit obliques, etc. and jumbling up the ab exercises with various other routines now and then.
3. Rower and stepper: love both these machines and need to do more of them for overall fitness and cardio, as well as muscle definition in quads, glutes and back.
The rest? I'll be working on definition. Just keeping the weight down, keeping the muscles toned and trying to get them ripped.
Pretty much I'll be doing exactly what I did in 2014... just more of it.
In the low 180s, my body fat was pretty low. I'll be happy to hit that again, but my goal is probably something in the mid 170s. We'll see. Not terribly concerned about the scale, honestly. I'll know when my body fat is where I want it to be. I can see it, feel it, and notice it as I move about.
I have signed up for the Air Force marathon. Though it would benefit me to go into it with as little upper body weight as possible, I'm not in this to win a marathon or even to run one very fast. I'm just not that fast. I'm in it for my overall health and appearance. So, I'll sacrifice a few seconds per mile to carry that extra upper body weight for the race.
Goal for the marathon is simply to complete all my scheduled 20 milers and finish the marathon. Time goal? Don't really have one, but if I had to put a number to it, I'd say a finish in 4:30 or less is just fine with me.
Also, although I'm not much of an athlete, I do have an athletic goal in mind. Now that I have taken up fencing, I want my physical training routine to at least compliment my fencing without detracting.
I'll be posting workout info to facebook and am contemplating some shirtless selfies to show my progress. Nothing like the spectre of public humiliation to aid in achieving a fitness goal. I added a little weight in December, and have the start of a belly. Might do it, might not... I am afraid that a lot of folks just don't want to see some pasty old guy without his shirt when they open their facebook news feed. We'll see... jury is out on that one.
But I will be at least staying in shape and trying to take this to the next level. 2014, of all things, I ended up really amping up my fitness. There's another level beyond that and I think I can hit it. I'll keep you posted as I go.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Bring on the New Year! 2015 on the way!
Time for New Year's resolutions and here are mine:
1. Stay in shape.
2. Stay debt free.
3. Run a marathon.
4. Play more music.
5. Get a rating in fencing.
6. New job / home / both.
Staying in shape is a pretty modest goal, but I made a lot of progress on fitness this past year. I'd like to keep it. Putting numbers to it, I'd like to keep my weight below 190, with regular workouts. Diet is always problematic for me because of all the time I spend on the road, but as much as possible, I'll try to avoid eating junk. Or at least eat more intelligent junk. If I end 2015 below 190, I'll be pretty happy with this one. My bloodwork is phenomenal and my health is the best it's been in over a decade. I need to keep this up.
Staying debt free should be a little easier. I rent my condo, and will probably rent anyplace I live. So, there's no real need to even have mortgage debt for the time being. The trick will be to avoid buying too many toys. (Or avoid buying toys at all... I don't have time for all the toys I already have.) This is one of those goals that is really just maintaining what I already have, but it will take mindfulness and effort.
Sort of hand-in-hand with staying in shape, I'll be training for a marathon this year. I won't have a time goal. (Though, probably something in the neighborhood of 4:15 to 4:30 is realistic.) One of the reasons 2014 was so awesome fitness-wise is that I have been able to run pain-free for the first time in years and years. So, I'll celebrate that by lacing up the trainers and putting down some real mileage. I have no goals related to running speed at the moment. If this plays out like it did last time I got sorta serious about running, I'll get a big speed bump after my marathon recovery. So, if I have any speed-related goals, they'll need to wait until 2016.
My life has been covered by a veil of general yuckiness since 2012, but that veil is lifting. It's mostly gone at this point. I always feel better when I exercise and play music. So, I need to start playing more music. I'll be setting up my piano and playing a bit here and there. I don't know that I'll perform or record, but I at least want to be regularly playing, now. Maybe 2016, I'll have a recording or performing goal.
I picked up one new hobby in 2015: fencing. I absolutely love it. Started in very late July with some classes at a local community center. I've fenced in half a dozen tournaments this year. If you do well enough in certain types of tournaments, you can get "rated". At this point, I'm rated "u" or unrated. Meaning I haven't achieved anything rating-wise. Sometime in 2016, I'd like to see if I can do well enough in a tournament to get an E in my weapon of choice: epee. Fencing has been a blast and I've been looking for a sport. I guess running is a sport, but this one is a lot of fun in a way that running really isn't. Haha! (Never particularly loved running... I just love everything about running other than the running, itself.)
Lastly, I'll have to make a change this year. I'm hoping to find a job closer to home (Toledo), or if not, then a job closer to family or friends (Dallas, Cleveland or Phoenix.) If I can't do any of those things, I'll be moving down near to Dayton so I can have a more normal semblance of a life. Driving from Toledo to Dayton and paying for hotels has been draining in every imaginable way. I can't really keep it up much longer. Of course, this means I'll have my son for half the Summer, instead of for every other weekend. It's not really better or worse, near as I can figure. It's just a different challenge.
2014 was a great year for me. I'm happier in so many ways. I've met a ton of great people. Had some fantastic experiences. Got in shape. Picked up a new hobby. It was just super all the way around. If I make the same sort of progress in 2015, I'll be pretty darned happy.
Really, my life is mostly back on track, except for two very important things. I don't live close to my son, so I still spend less time with him than I did before my life cratered in 2012. He graduates High School in 2019. I have only so many years with him. So, I want to make the most of it. The clock is ticking on this one and when he graduates High School and is off to college, this chance will have passed. All I can do is continue to do the best I can. Forgive myself for what I can't, and just keep moving forward.
Career-wise, I'm very happy for my job. I love it and am lucky to have it. However, I'm nowhere near where I was, either professionally, or when I owned my own business. That's a work in process.
1. Stay in shape.
2. Stay debt free.
3. Run a marathon.
4. Play more music.
5. Get a rating in fencing.
6. New job / home / both.
Staying in shape is a pretty modest goal, but I made a lot of progress on fitness this past year. I'd like to keep it. Putting numbers to it, I'd like to keep my weight below 190, with regular workouts. Diet is always problematic for me because of all the time I spend on the road, but as much as possible, I'll try to avoid eating junk. Or at least eat more intelligent junk. If I end 2015 below 190, I'll be pretty happy with this one. My bloodwork is phenomenal and my health is the best it's been in over a decade. I need to keep this up.
Staying debt free should be a little easier. I rent my condo, and will probably rent anyplace I live. So, there's no real need to even have mortgage debt for the time being. The trick will be to avoid buying too many toys. (Or avoid buying toys at all... I don't have time for all the toys I already have.) This is one of those goals that is really just maintaining what I already have, but it will take mindfulness and effort.
Sort of hand-in-hand with staying in shape, I'll be training for a marathon this year. I won't have a time goal. (Though, probably something in the neighborhood of 4:15 to 4:30 is realistic.) One of the reasons 2014 was so awesome fitness-wise is that I have been able to run pain-free for the first time in years and years. So, I'll celebrate that by lacing up the trainers and putting down some real mileage. I have no goals related to running speed at the moment. If this plays out like it did last time I got sorta serious about running, I'll get a big speed bump after my marathon recovery. So, if I have any speed-related goals, they'll need to wait until 2016.
My life has been covered by a veil of general yuckiness since 2012, but that veil is lifting. It's mostly gone at this point. I always feel better when I exercise and play music. So, I need to start playing more music. I'll be setting up my piano and playing a bit here and there. I don't know that I'll perform or record, but I at least want to be regularly playing, now. Maybe 2016, I'll have a recording or performing goal.
I picked up one new hobby in 2015: fencing. I absolutely love it. Started in very late July with some classes at a local community center. I've fenced in half a dozen tournaments this year. If you do well enough in certain types of tournaments, you can get "rated". At this point, I'm rated "u" or unrated. Meaning I haven't achieved anything rating-wise. Sometime in 2016, I'd like to see if I can do well enough in a tournament to get an E in my weapon of choice: epee. Fencing has been a blast and I've been looking for a sport. I guess running is a sport, but this one is a lot of fun in a way that running really isn't. Haha! (Never particularly loved running... I just love everything about running other than the running, itself.)
Lastly, I'll have to make a change this year. I'm hoping to find a job closer to home (Toledo), or if not, then a job closer to family or friends (Dallas, Cleveland or Phoenix.) If I can't do any of those things, I'll be moving down near to Dayton so I can have a more normal semblance of a life. Driving from Toledo to Dayton and paying for hotels has been draining in every imaginable way. I can't really keep it up much longer. Of course, this means I'll have my son for half the Summer, instead of for every other weekend. It's not really better or worse, near as I can figure. It's just a different challenge.
2014 was a great year for me. I'm happier in so many ways. I've met a ton of great people. Had some fantastic experiences. Got in shape. Picked up a new hobby. It was just super all the way around. If I make the same sort of progress in 2015, I'll be pretty darned happy.
Really, my life is mostly back on track, except for two very important things. I don't live close to my son, so I still spend less time with him than I did before my life cratered in 2012. He graduates High School in 2019. I have only so many years with him. So, I want to make the most of it. The clock is ticking on this one and when he graduates High School and is off to college, this chance will have passed. All I can do is continue to do the best I can. Forgive myself for what I can't, and just keep moving forward.
Career-wise, I'm very happy for my job. I love it and am lucky to have it. However, I'm nowhere near where I was, either professionally, or when I owned my own business. That's a work in process.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
2014 Wrap Up: Where Do I Even Begin?
2014 was one to remember. To recap, 2009, the biz started dying. In 2012, I sold off what remained of the assets and started working for the government down in Dayton. I still honestly don't know how I survived the past two and a half years. I just did, I guess. None of it should have worked, but I seemed to grunt my way through what has been, without doubt, the most difficult time of my adult life.
2014, though, things changed. I lost a lot of weight. Got much healthier. (Bloodwork all looks phenomenal, now.) Met so many new people. Took up a new hobby: fencing.
All in all, I never could have predicted at the end of 2013, that 2014 would have been so good.
2015 may bring some changes. Actually, it will, one way or another. In July, my service commitment is up, leaving me to seek other positions both within and outside the government. My preference would be to move closer to home. Home is still Sylvania, because my son is still in Sylvania. At least he's here for another 4 and a half years until he graduates High School.
If I can't find anything here, I'll be moving. If I don't live near Toledo, I'll move somewhere near family or friends. So, that means, Cleveland/Akron, Dallas/Fort Worth or Phonenix... ummm... /Phoenix. If I can't find anything in those cities, I'll move closer to my current position, probably by moving to a Western suburb of Columbus, like Hilliard.
Time frame for a move will be sometime after Logan's travel baseball season. I plan on taking off a month just to follow him once school lets out. That'll give me time with him, and the time to travel around to watch him.
January, I'll be taking a little week-long ski vacation to West Virginia. That'll be my first little vacation in forever. Things are getting better for me. I am still not entirely sure what the next few years hold, but by the end of this year, the picture should get clearer.
My son continues to be my pride and joy. I have always said that if I had to chose between a great life for me, and having a great son, that I'd take the great son. That's the deal I have. As long as I have that, I can be happy.
He continues to do great in all his sports. Like most teenagers, he's growing like a weed. He's getting a lot of playing time in basketball this year. Football he did great. He will be playing on his most competitive baseball team, yet, this season.
He's also getting serious about playing bass. He is in a little band and he sounds great. I haven't heard the band, yet, but if they're as good as he is, they should sound fantastic. They're preparing to play in their school's talent show at the end of the year.
All in all, my son is great, and 2015 finds me in better shape than I was in when 2014 started. I'm still rebuilding my life after the business died. It's pretty much all there, except my career got set back pretty far. I've got another couple decades in the worforce. No telling what it will bring.
Best wishes to everybody out there. I hope 2014 was good to you, too. We can all hope for a great 2015!
2014, though, things changed. I lost a lot of weight. Got much healthier. (Bloodwork all looks phenomenal, now.) Met so many new people. Took up a new hobby: fencing.
All in all, I never could have predicted at the end of 2013, that 2014 would have been so good.
2015 may bring some changes. Actually, it will, one way or another. In July, my service commitment is up, leaving me to seek other positions both within and outside the government. My preference would be to move closer to home. Home is still Sylvania, because my son is still in Sylvania. At least he's here for another 4 and a half years until he graduates High School.
If I can't find anything here, I'll be moving. If I don't live near Toledo, I'll move somewhere near family or friends. So, that means, Cleveland/Akron, Dallas/Fort Worth or Phonenix... ummm... /Phoenix. If I can't find anything in those cities, I'll move closer to my current position, probably by moving to a Western suburb of Columbus, like Hilliard.
Time frame for a move will be sometime after Logan's travel baseball season. I plan on taking off a month just to follow him once school lets out. That'll give me time with him, and the time to travel around to watch him.
January, I'll be taking a little week-long ski vacation to West Virginia. That'll be my first little vacation in forever. Things are getting better for me. I am still not entirely sure what the next few years hold, but by the end of this year, the picture should get clearer.
My son continues to be my pride and joy. I have always said that if I had to chose between a great life for me, and having a great son, that I'd take the great son. That's the deal I have. As long as I have that, I can be happy.
He continues to do great in all his sports. Like most teenagers, he's growing like a weed. He's getting a lot of playing time in basketball this year. Football he did great. He will be playing on his most competitive baseball team, yet, this season.
He's also getting serious about playing bass. He is in a little band and he sounds great. I haven't heard the band, yet, but if they're as good as he is, they should sound fantastic. They're preparing to play in their school's talent show at the end of the year.
All in all, my son is great, and 2015 finds me in better shape than I was in when 2014 started. I'm still rebuilding my life after the business died. It's pretty much all there, except my career got set back pretty far. I've got another couple decades in the worforce. No telling what it will bring.
Best wishes to everybody out there. I hope 2014 was good to you, too. We can all hope for a great 2015!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
It's a Wonder Anybody Ever Stays Together
Strange that Facebook posts so frequently fall into neat classifications. The "brag on my kids" post, or the "this is my health issue" post. These things mean the entire world to the people posting them. For those who are reading, it's a chance to share in life's very real joys, triumphs and trials. Then, there's the heartache post. I see them. Have been tempted to make a few from time to time.
They are ones where it's easy for an outsider to see what's happening and to give sage advice: heal, move on, but mostly realize that what you thought was there probably wasn't.
When dealing with something as complex as human emotions, it's a wonder any two people in the world ever get together. You have to be emotionally ready to explore a relationship. You have to have mutual attraction and desire. You need basic compatibility.
That's just to have any relationship, of any kind. Even a bad one. As you look at the building blocks of a good relationship: trust, mutual respect, care and concern; it gets difficult to believe that anybody can really have all that.
Then, there's all the personal flaws that derail relationships: People who have their own issues to work out, which make them a poor fit for others.
The biggest stumbling block? Seems to be that far more often than not, one person is crazy about the other, and the other person is just not in to the same degree. That's when the heartbreak happens.
So many "happy couples" I see are really a case of that: one person emotionally carrying the entire relationship and the other person wanting to keep a good thing, but not being completely invested. For most people, that's the closest it gets, I fear. One person gets their dream... the other person settles for a good thing.
I think there are a lot of perfectly functional marriages that work like that.
However, if you're heartbroken, it means that your relationship wasn't perfectly functional. One of the more productive dating concepts that's come along in recent years is the whole, "he's not that into you" thing. Of course, SHE may not be that into you, either. If they aren't jumping into this with you, with both feet, that means you just aren't a priority for them, period. The rest? You need to harden your heart, because the rest really doesn't amount to much.
I heard a great quote once: real love is when both people feel like they're "dating up." It happens. It's wonderful to see when it does.
THEN, you can have all that... every last element of it... for years and years and years, and then something changes. People grow apart sometimes instead of together. Is that worse? Who knows.
In the end, it's hard to see. Harder to go through. Yet people do. From the beginning of time they did and they do. Billions upon billions of people bumping around through life looking for the one person who will give them a sense of home. Love is just that powerful.
So, for every person going through it, take heart. It feels like your heartache is the worst thing anybody has ever, ever gone through. Like you lost the one person you were meant to be with, and if only a few little things had been different, the two of you would be together and happy.
These things are not true, but that's what heartbreak feels like. The worst is that your heart just doesn't want to accept that the relationship ended because it had to. It was fatally flawed. Most of the time, people can put their finger right on the flaw, yet their heart refuses to accept that it couldn't have worked.
I think this is an emotional coping mechanism that is actually a good thing LATER in an established relationship. It causes the heart to hold on, even through tough times.
But when a relationship ends, that same instinct is the source of most of the pain. The belief that the relationship was a good one. If we had only...
The fact is that every relationship is packed with a lot of good times, positive emotion... the reality is that even a failed relationship had a lot of commonality with a good relationship. You are left thinking, "the good stuff... I wish I didn't have to lose that." Thing is, you don't. You can have it again. With another person, and with any luck, better next time. Those good times didn't go away. They're still waiting for you.
You just have to heal. Aaaaand... it feels like you will never, ever heal.
That isn't true, either.
I don't know a lot about love. I sure don't know much about relationships. I just know that hearts heal and they love again. It takes time. Sometimes months or even years of painful, painful time. It happens, though.
It gets better. Hang in there. The pain feels like it will last forever, but it never does.
In the end, you do come out the other side. When you do, you will find more people who are also bumping along, looking for that one person who will make their life feel complete.
You'll be older. Wiser. A little gun-shy. You'll have learned a little bit about what you really need, versus maybe what you merely wanted. Maybe, the next go-round, it won't be one person crazy in love and another person just content to hang on to a good thing for a while.
Maybe you'll both be dating up.
In the end, you can't make somebody love you. You can only be someone who deserves to be loved.
They are ones where it's easy for an outsider to see what's happening and to give sage advice: heal, move on, but mostly realize that what you thought was there probably wasn't.
When dealing with something as complex as human emotions, it's a wonder any two people in the world ever get together. You have to be emotionally ready to explore a relationship. You have to have mutual attraction and desire. You need basic compatibility.
That's just to have any relationship, of any kind. Even a bad one. As you look at the building blocks of a good relationship: trust, mutual respect, care and concern; it gets difficult to believe that anybody can really have all that.
Then, there's all the personal flaws that derail relationships: People who have their own issues to work out, which make them a poor fit for others.
The biggest stumbling block? Seems to be that far more often than not, one person is crazy about the other, and the other person is just not in to the same degree. That's when the heartbreak happens.
So many "happy couples" I see are really a case of that: one person emotionally carrying the entire relationship and the other person wanting to keep a good thing, but not being completely invested. For most people, that's the closest it gets, I fear. One person gets their dream... the other person settles for a good thing.
I think there are a lot of perfectly functional marriages that work like that.
However, if you're heartbroken, it means that your relationship wasn't perfectly functional. One of the more productive dating concepts that's come along in recent years is the whole, "he's not that into you" thing. Of course, SHE may not be that into you, either. If they aren't jumping into this with you, with both feet, that means you just aren't a priority for them, period. The rest? You need to harden your heart, because the rest really doesn't amount to much.
I heard a great quote once: real love is when both people feel like they're "dating up." It happens. It's wonderful to see when it does.
THEN, you can have all that... every last element of it... for years and years and years, and then something changes. People grow apart sometimes instead of together. Is that worse? Who knows.
In the end, it's hard to see. Harder to go through. Yet people do. From the beginning of time they did and they do. Billions upon billions of people bumping around through life looking for the one person who will give them a sense of home. Love is just that powerful.
So, for every person going through it, take heart. It feels like your heartache is the worst thing anybody has ever, ever gone through. Like you lost the one person you were meant to be with, and if only a few little things had been different, the two of you would be together and happy.
These things are not true, but that's what heartbreak feels like. The worst is that your heart just doesn't want to accept that the relationship ended because it had to. It was fatally flawed. Most of the time, people can put their finger right on the flaw, yet their heart refuses to accept that it couldn't have worked.
I think this is an emotional coping mechanism that is actually a good thing LATER in an established relationship. It causes the heart to hold on, even through tough times.
But when a relationship ends, that same instinct is the source of most of the pain. The belief that the relationship was a good one. If we had only...
The fact is that every relationship is packed with a lot of good times, positive emotion... the reality is that even a failed relationship had a lot of commonality with a good relationship. You are left thinking, "the good stuff... I wish I didn't have to lose that." Thing is, you don't. You can have it again. With another person, and with any luck, better next time. Those good times didn't go away. They're still waiting for you.
You just have to heal. Aaaaand... it feels like you will never, ever heal.
That isn't true, either.
I don't know a lot about love. I sure don't know much about relationships. I just know that hearts heal and they love again. It takes time. Sometimes months or even years of painful, painful time. It happens, though.
It gets better. Hang in there. The pain feels like it will last forever, but it never does.
In the end, you do come out the other side. When you do, you will find more people who are also bumping along, looking for that one person who will make their life feel complete.
You'll be older. Wiser. A little gun-shy. You'll have learned a little bit about what you really need, versus maybe what you merely wanted. Maybe, the next go-round, it won't be one person crazy in love and another person just content to hang on to a good thing for a while.
Maybe you'll both be dating up.
In the end, you can't make somebody love you. You can only be someone who deserves to be loved.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
The Art of the Stab
I just finished my first weekend of fencing tournaments. Right now, honestly, I'm a little exhausted. It wasn't the physical activity so much. I do more than that pretty much every day in workouts. But it was tiring... probably mentally as well as physically.
The first event was an "E and under" event in Michigan. In fencing, you are classified starting as a U (unrated) and then can earn ratings of E through A. An A level fencer would be a world-class fencer, collegiate varsity fencer, basically somebody with the highest classification.
I am a U, obviously. So, I figured the E and under tournament would be a good way to fence against people my own level.
The event I fence in is called epee. There are 3 different fencing events, and in epee, the entire body is a target and you can attempt to score at any time. The other two events: saber and foil, involve a concept called "right of way" where you can only score at certain times. They also have limited scoring areas and require special jackets or vests called a "lame" where you have to be touched for it to be a valid score. A score in fencing is called a "touch" or "touche" the French word, in international competition.
At least so far, a sizeable chunk of people who have seen me fence think I'm actually a saberist who is picking up epee as a second weapon. The reason for this is that saber is by far the most aggressive of the events, with competitors moving at each other very quickly and points scored very, very quickly.
Half a dozen folks, starting the very first few lessons I took, saw how I wanted to fight and said something along the lines of, "You really, really need to try saber."
Epee involves patience. Those who are familiar with my level of patience may immediately wonder about the wisdom of me choosing this event.
So, the funniest comment on day one was from a woman who actually was a saberist. She tore up our pool, and ended up with the #2 seed going into the brackets (called "direct elimination" or DE in tournaments).
Of the pool bouts I lost, I did best against her, losing 5-4. She was the only person I have ever fenced who was more aggressive than I was. After the bout, as we shook hands, she asked, "Is this your first weapon?"
"You think I'm a saberist, don't you?" I asked in reply.
Her response was classic, "You ARE a saberist."
I had begun taking baby steps towards learning saber before the weekend. Trying to find a lame and buying a saber. (Sabers are the least expensive weapons as far as the weapon, itself. The lame and mask are the most expensive of all the events, though.) Now, though, I'm interested to see how it goes.
I watched her fight through the tournament and it was an absolute pleasure. Basically, she just kept aggressively attacking the entire time. She didn't end up winning, but went deep and it was just fun to watch her go.
Overall, the tournament went well on Saturday. I beat the two people I should have in the pools and got dispatched quickly in the Direct Elimination portion. What was surprising was that almost everybody had no trouble at all dealing with my aggressiveness on the strip. At least at the clubs prior to this, I could sometimes get a lot of points, or sometimes a win against a better fencer because of my unconventional style. In the E and under tournament, most of the people I faced were completely unfazed and would just beat me using standard epee tactics.
Sunday's tournament had the same result, but felt much better. Again, I beat the two people I should have beaten. Again, I lost in the brackets in my first bout.
The difference, though, was that I was getting touches on everybody in the pools. I just wasn't getting enough of them. And the kid I lost to in direct elimination was a D rated fencer. I actually had him tied at 6-6 (after getting a red card for a non-functioning body cord and thus starting the bout 0-1). I just felt that although I lost to people I should have lost to, the gap wasn't insurmountable. I scored a lot of touches.
Plus, I think in some regards, I went in with the attitude that I would have fun and learn from the experience. And I think I really did. But I didn't expect to beat the guys who beat me. Next time, I think I'll probably go in with a more aggressive attitude.
I will probably only do maybe half a dozen tournaments or so all year. This weekend was an anomaly because I had two of them. Next weekend, I have a third.
I'm glad to have them all back to back, though. That way I minimize that time where I'm sitting around thinking, "I learned a lot, there... I can't wait to try the next one."
So, exhausted and need some fencing downtime. I'll probably open fence at SWORD on Thursday and then off to an E and under tournament in Wadsworth, OH next week. Though, honestly, I thought the E and under tournament this past weekend was harder than the open tournament.
I should also add, if you're a high school aged young man, this is a sport to go into. In my pool alone, in the E and under tournament, there were 4 gorgeous young women (all of whom thrashed me rather soundly, I might add). Lots of cute girls get into this sport.
The first event was an "E and under" event in Michigan. In fencing, you are classified starting as a U (unrated) and then can earn ratings of E through A. An A level fencer would be a world-class fencer, collegiate varsity fencer, basically somebody with the highest classification.
I am a U, obviously. So, I figured the E and under tournament would be a good way to fence against people my own level.
The event I fence in is called epee. There are 3 different fencing events, and in epee, the entire body is a target and you can attempt to score at any time. The other two events: saber and foil, involve a concept called "right of way" where you can only score at certain times. They also have limited scoring areas and require special jackets or vests called a "lame" where you have to be touched for it to be a valid score. A score in fencing is called a "touch" or "touche" the French word, in international competition.
At least so far, a sizeable chunk of people who have seen me fence think I'm actually a saberist who is picking up epee as a second weapon. The reason for this is that saber is by far the most aggressive of the events, with competitors moving at each other very quickly and points scored very, very quickly.
Half a dozen folks, starting the very first few lessons I took, saw how I wanted to fight and said something along the lines of, "You really, really need to try saber."
Epee involves patience. Those who are familiar with my level of patience may immediately wonder about the wisdom of me choosing this event.
So, the funniest comment on day one was from a woman who actually was a saberist. She tore up our pool, and ended up with the #2 seed going into the brackets (called "direct elimination" or DE in tournaments).
Of the pool bouts I lost, I did best against her, losing 5-4. She was the only person I have ever fenced who was more aggressive than I was. After the bout, as we shook hands, she asked, "Is this your first weapon?"
"You think I'm a saberist, don't you?" I asked in reply.
Her response was classic, "You ARE a saberist."
I had begun taking baby steps towards learning saber before the weekend. Trying to find a lame and buying a saber. (Sabers are the least expensive weapons as far as the weapon, itself. The lame and mask are the most expensive of all the events, though.) Now, though, I'm interested to see how it goes.
I watched her fight through the tournament and it was an absolute pleasure. Basically, she just kept aggressively attacking the entire time. She didn't end up winning, but went deep and it was just fun to watch her go.
Overall, the tournament went well on Saturday. I beat the two people I should have in the pools and got dispatched quickly in the Direct Elimination portion. What was surprising was that almost everybody had no trouble at all dealing with my aggressiveness on the strip. At least at the clubs prior to this, I could sometimes get a lot of points, or sometimes a win against a better fencer because of my unconventional style. In the E and under tournament, most of the people I faced were completely unfazed and would just beat me using standard epee tactics.
Sunday's tournament had the same result, but felt much better. Again, I beat the two people I should have beaten. Again, I lost in the brackets in my first bout.
The difference, though, was that I was getting touches on everybody in the pools. I just wasn't getting enough of them. And the kid I lost to in direct elimination was a D rated fencer. I actually had him tied at 6-6 (after getting a red card for a non-functioning body cord and thus starting the bout 0-1). I just felt that although I lost to people I should have lost to, the gap wasn't insurmountable. I scored a lot of touches.
Plus, I think in some regards, I went in with the attitude that I would have fun and learn from the experience. And I think I really did. But I didn't expect to beat the guys who beat me. Next time, I think I'll probably go in with a more aggressive attitude.
I will probably only do maybe half a dozen tournaments or so all year. This weekend was an anomaly because I had two of them. Next weekend, I have a third.
I'm glad to have them all back to back, though. That way I minimize that time where I'm sitting around thinking, "I learned a lot, there... I can't wait to try the next one."
So, exhausted and need some fencing downtime. I'll probably open fence at SWORD on Thursday and then off to an E and under tournament in Wadsworth, OH next week. Though, honestly, I thought the E and under tournament this past weekend was harder than the open tournament.
I should also add, if you're a high school aged young man, this is a sport to go into. In my pool alone, in the E and under tournament, there were 4 gorgeous young women (all of whom thrashed me rather soundly, I might add). Lots of cute girls get into this sport.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Where I Am
I've documented so much of my life in blogs that it seem odd that now, of all times, I'd be reluctant to blog what I've been going through. In an odd way, so much has been going on that I've been too wrapped up in the real world to write about it.
First, I guess I'll talk about the most obvious thing. The one that folks are most likely to notice when they see me in person. I've been able to start running again. Physically, I'm just much smaller. At first, it didn't seem like it, but it is absolutely true. I don't particularly like the act of running. My head does clear and I think clearly on what's on my mind, but the act of running, itself, has never really been joyful for me. After 3 miles or so, I settle into a sustainable tranquility, but it's never really fun. The other things, though? The impact on my life? Huge. My physical health, mental well-being, energy level, everything improves. Just had a routine blood test and they could have used my results as a textbook example of perfect bloodwork.
I haven't been able to run much for the past 10 years or so due to various injuries. Most notably, my 4 year battle with plantar fasciitis. Now, though, I'm running injury free. I'm trying not to push it too hard and end up broken again. We'll see. My routine is 6 miles, 3 or 4 times a week. If things continue to go well, I'll shoot for the AF Marathon in Fall of 2015.
So, fitness, all blue skies these days. I'm still lifting, but not as much. I haven't fully decided on a fitness goal. I'm just enjoying being in shape. If I do a fall marathon, I may give up the lifting for a while. I'll worry about that later.
Second, things in general have improved and because of that, so has my general mood. As I have whined incessantly about, things have been tough since 2009, and everything sorta crashed in 2012. The bad news all seems to be behind me at the moment, though. My feet are firmly beneath me and I'm feeling ready to explore what's next. I'm contemplating my next entrepreneurial step. Not sure what it is, but for the first time in a while, I'm sure it'll be something.
I will have to make some sort of change regarding my living situation. I have a year left on my service committment at my current job, but after that, I will be looking for something closer to my son. If I can't find that, I'll be moving closer to my job and go on the distance parenting schedule. (Instead of every other weekend, I'd have him half the summer.) I will probably continue to hang on to the current situation, as gruelling and expensive as it is, until then.
Lastly, and more importantly, I had an extraordinary person come into my life. Honestly, this is why I haven't been blogging. It's just that I didn't know what, if anything, I could say about this. Yet, at the same time, it's probably the biggest thing that's happened to me lately.
For reasons too personal, numerous and complicated to divulge publicly, I really can't talk a lot of specifics about this person. She's somebody who came into my life oddly and suddenly. We shared an extraordinary connection. It didn't hurt that she was smart and beautiful.
Timing truly is everything. She came into my life when I needed her most. I needed somebody to remind me that I was truly capable of caring about another person. I needed somebody to show me that there are people I can relate to, deeply and personally. I have never met another person who I connected with on this level, at this depth.
Unfortunately, because timing is, indeed, everything, I did not come into her life at a time when she was in a position to be ready for this to progress much beyond a complicated friendship. Or, maybe it's just me. Or maybe a combination of both. My heart was hers to take, but hers was not mine. The reasons why, ultimately, really don't matter.
Still, I find myself being more grateful than hearbroken in the end. You have to be grateful when a person comes into your life, picks you up and leaves you better than they found you. Life is made the greater by the people in your life. My life is greater now that she is part of mine.
First, I guess I'll talk about the most obvious thing. The one that folks are most likely to notice when they see me in person. I've been able to start running again. Physically, I'm just much smaller. At first, it didn't seem like it, but it is absolutely true. I don't particularly like the act of running. My head does clear and I think clearly on what's on my mind, but the act of running, itself, has never really been joyful for me. After 3 miles or so, I settle into a sustainable tranquility, but it's never really fun. The other things, though? The impact on my life? Huge. My physical health, mental well-being, energy level, everything improves. Just had a routine blood test and they could have used my results as a textbook example of perfect bloodwork.
I haven't been able to run much for the past 10 years or so due to various injuries. Most notably, my 4 year battle with plantar fasciitis. Now, though, I'm running injury free. I'm trying not to push it too hard and end up broken again. We'll see. My routine is 6 miles, 3 or 4 times a week. If things continue to go well, I'll shoot for the AF Marathon in Fall of 2015.
So, fitness, all blue skies these days. I'm still lifting, but not as much. I haven't fully decided on a fitness goal. I'm just enjoying being in shape. If I do a fall marathon, I may give up the lifting for a while. I'll worry about that later.
Second, things in general have improved and because of that, so has my general mood. As I have whined incessantly about, things have been tough since 2009, and everything sorta crashed in 2012. The bad news all seems to be behind me at the moment, though. My feet are firmly beneath me and I'm feeling ready to explore what's next. I'm contemplating my next entrepreneurial step. Not sure what it is, but for the first time in a while, I'm sure it'll be something.
I will have to make some sort of change regarding my living situation. I have a year left on my service committment at my current job, but after that, I will be looking for something closer to my son. If I can't find that, I'll be moving closer to my job and go on the distance parenting schedule. (Instead of every other weekend, I'd have him half the summer.) I will probably continue to hang on to the current situation, as gruelling and expensive as it is, until then.
Lastly, and more importantly, I had an extraordinary person come into my life. Honestly, this is why I haven't been blogging. It's just that I didn't know what, if anything, I could say about this. Yet, at the same time, it's probably the biggest thing that's happened to me lately.
For reasons too personal, numerous and complicated to divulge publicly, I really can't talk a lot of specifics about this person. She's somebody who came into my life oddly and suddenly. We shared an extraordinary connection. It didn't hurt that she was smart and beautiful.
Timing truly is everything. She came into my life when I needed her most. I needed somebody to remind me that I was truly capable of caring about another person. I needed somebody to show me that there are people I can relate to, deeply and personally. I have never met another person who I connected with on this level, at this depth.
Unfortunately, because timing is, indeed, everything, I did not come into her life at a time when she was in a position to be ready for this to progress much beyond a complicated friendship. Or, maybe it's just me. Or maybe a combination of both. My heart was hers to take, but hers was not mine. The reasons why, ultimately, really don't matter.
Still, I find myself being more grateful than hearbroken in the end. You have to be grateful when a person comes into your life, picks you up and leaves you better than they found you. Life is made the greater by the people in your life. My life is greater now that she is part of mine.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Gotta make a change...
I'm in training in Sterling Heights for the next couple of weeks. Easy stuff. Pricing and Cost analysis, which is sorta in my wheelhouse. (Lots of math and spreadsheets for a guy who writes Excel Macros when he's home and bored.)
The thing that stands out about this is that I'm sleeping in my own bed every night. Man, this is nice. I really need to make a change here in the foreseeable future. Will do it, but more on that in a bit.
For those who are just tuning in, I drive down to Dayton every week. If my son has sports, I drive up for the games. It's exhausting, expensive... well, there isn't much to like about it at all, other than it giving me time with my son.
As he gets older, though, that time gets smaller and smaller. On a weekend, I might only see him a handful of hours. If I lived further away, he'd spend half the Summer with me.
If I had my way, I'd probably just find a way to continue this, but the expense and fatigue are pretty insane.
I have a little less than a year left on my service commitment for my job. Love the job, but there are lots of comparable jobs within the DOD. So, I may be looking at changing jobs next year. Either that, or I'll be looking at relocating closer to the job.
Dayton is sort of nice in that it's basically an hour from Cinci or Columbus. Not the easiest commute, but if anything happened to the Dayton gig, I'd have two of the biggest cities in Ohio within feasible driving distance.
So, yeah, probably going to make a change. Not sure when, but sometime. I set up this arrangement a few years ago when the job was new and everything else in my life was up in the air, but it is time to reassess it, now.
Other than that, busy, busy, busy. Social life has been insane. Also, I've been doing a yeoman's job of keeping up with the fitness. I am only running while on this training. (Though may do the rower after 3 straight days of 6 milers... that's a lot of days in a row for me.) I'm missing the occasional 2nd workout at the gym. So, there are upsides to returning to my Dayton routine. (Of course, I could have that upside if I lived down there, too.)
I do notice that my hips don't hurt as much when I'm not driving so long, too. I thought running was wearing them out, but I think it's just all the sitting in a car.
Oh, and I'm recovering from a sinus infection. Ever notice how all sinus infections are categorized as "nasty". Yeah, here in this part of the country, we all get them and they're all nasty.
But mine are a little beyond that. I usually get them taken care of at the doc in the box because they treat with both steroids and antibiotics and usually give me some injection in the ass to get things going.
For folks who have known me a while, I'm definitely a veteran of these wars after having been hospitalized twice for sinusitis in my lifetime, including once with a stay in the ICU and not waking up for 4 days. (Yeah, they thought I was going to die... dad flew in from Philly to say goodbye and everything.)
So, when I go in there and get some PA and explain, "I have a bacterial infection of the right maxillary sinus", they usually get a sort of chuckle. I usually have little patience for questions like, "how do you know it's a sinus infection?"
This is my first sinus infection in a while. I had been taking benedryl, both to keep my sinuses clear and to help me sleep. Sorta got on the stuff back in 2012. Just got off it in July due to a lot of positive changes in my life. Sleeping (for the most part... no worse than before, on balance) without the help of benedryl these days.
So, that's the long and short of it. Something has to give. I'll be moving here sometime in the next 12 months. And if you're in Dallas or Phoenix, I have those on the radar screen. I would never move anywhere I didn't have family or friends, and that pretty much leaves Dallas, Phoenix or Ohio. (Yeah, "Ohio" is sort of a cop-out, but even being in C-bus or Cinci isn't that bad.)
The thing that stands out about this is that I'm sleeping in my own bed every night. Man, this is nice. I really need to make a change here in the foreseeable future. Will do it, but more on that in a bit.
For those who are just tuning in, I drive down to Dayton every week. If my son has sports, I drive up for the games. It's exhausting, expensive... well, there isn't much to like about it at all, other than it giving me time with my son.
As he gets older, though, that time gets smaller and smaller. On a weekend, I might only see him a handful of hours. If I lived further away, he'd spend half the Summer with me.
If I had my way, I'd probably just find a way to continue this, but the expense and fatigue are pretty insane.
I have a little less than a year left on my service commitment for my job. Love the job, but there are lots of comparable jobs within the DOD. So, I may be looking at changing jobs next year. Either that, or I'll be looking at relocating closer to the job.
Dayton is sort of nice in that it's basically an hour from Cinci or Columbus. Not the easiest commute, but if anything happened to the Dayton gig, I'd have two of the biggest cities in Ohio within feasible driving distance.
So, yeah, probably going to make a change. Not sure when, but sometime. I set up this arrangement a few years ago when the job was new and everything else in my life was up in the air, but it is time to reassess it, now.
Other than that, busy, busy, busy. Social life has been insane. Also, I've been doing a yeoman's job of keeping up with the fitness. I am only running while on this training. (Though may do the rower after 3 straight days of 6 milers... that's a lot of days in a row for me.) I'm missing the occasional 2nd workout at the gym. So, there are upsides to returning to my Dayton routine. (Of course, I could have that upside if I lived down there, too.)
I do notice that my hips don't hurt as much when I'm not driving so long, too. I thought running was wearing them out, but I think it's just all the sitting in a car.
Oh, and I'm recovering from a sinus infection. Ever notice how all sinus infections are categorized as "nasty". Yeah, here in this part of the country, we all get them and they're all nasty.
But mine are a little beyond that. I usually get them taken care of at the doc in the box because they treat with both steroids and antibiotics and usually give me some injection in the ass to get things going.
For folks who have known me a while, I'm definitely a veteran of these wars after having been hospitalized twice for sinusitis in my lifetime, including once with a stay in the ICU and not waking up for 4 days. (Yeah, they thought I was going to die... dad flew in from Philly to say goodbye and everything.)
So, when I go in there and get some PA and explain, "I have a bacterial infection of the right maxillary sinus", they usually get a sort of chuckle. I usually have little patience for questions like, "how do you know it's a sinus infection?"
This is my first sinus infection in a while. I had been taking benedryl, both to keep my sinuses clear and to help me sleep. Sorta got on the stuff back in 2012. Just got off it in July due to a lot of positive changes in my life. Sleeping (for the most part... no worse than before, on balance) without the help of benedryl these days.
So, that's the long and short of it. Something has to give. I'll be moving here sometime in the next 12 months. And if you're in Dallas or Phoenix, I have those on the radar screen. I would never move anywhere I didn't have family or friends, and that pretty much leaves Dallas, Phoenix or Ohio. (Yeah, "Ohio" is sort of a cop-out, but even being in C-bus or Cinci isn't that bad.)
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Juicing Status
It's been 2 weeks now since I bought the vitamix, and it has probably resulted in some positive change.
For one, it actually led me to go to the supermarket to buy vegetables. I can't tell you how seldom that happened before. For another, on weekends, I'm juicing at least half my meals.
It's also encouraging me to eat more raw fruits and vegetables. There are some vegetables that I like, for instance, salted bell pepper.
I felt a big increase in energy last week that lasted about to mid-week. (I'm on the road during the week. So, I was just working on residual whatever after Sunday.)
I'm still eating normal food on weekends, too. Saturdays more than Sundays. It sort of takes a day to detox myself a bit.
Fruit smoothies are going well. Veggie smoothies, not so much. Today, I'm going to try a more tomato-centered mix to get a more v-8 type flavor. This may be a losing battle, who knows. First veggie cocktail wasn't bad, but this last one was awful. Too much new stuff in there: onion and broccoli, for instance. I'll be less indiscriminate on the next one I make.
Like any positive health lifestyle change, this spills over into my conduct during the rest of the week. If you just spent the weekend eating a great healthy diet, the last thing you want to do is undo all your good work with terrible food during the week.
I also bought a little water bottle to keep at my desk at work. I've been drinking a lot of water. Probably like a gallon a day or something of the sort. Otherwise, literally, I'd be drinking a six pack's worth of diet coke, instead. Not that I have anything against diet coke, but it certainly isn't good for you, and probably is bad for you if you overdo it. I've been overdoing it for about 30 years, now.
Today, I stepped on the scale and I was at 206. That probably represents some modest weight-loss. Which, really, if I could get a lifestyle change that resulted in losing a pound or two a week, that would be absolutely wonderful. We'll see how it goes. Last week, I weighed myself and was at like 213.5 or so, but that was a late in the day, fully hydrated weight. Today was first thing in the morning. So, you gain a pound and a half after your morning coffee.
The weather is also getting better. So, I can start walking and getting outdoors a bit. This has been a brutal Winter.
I feel like there are some general improvements in my mood, but that could also just be a reflection of things starting to go my way a little more these days.
For one, it actually led me to go to the supermarket to buy vegetables. I can't tell you how seldom that happened before. For another, on weekends, I'm juicing at least half my meals.
It's also encouraging me to eat more raw fruits and vegetables. There are some vegetables that I like, for instance, salted bell pepper.
I felt a big increase in energy last week that lasted about to mid-week. (I'm on the road during the week. So, I was just working on residual whatever after Sunday.)
I'm still eating normal food on weekends, too. Saturdays more than Sundays. It sort of takes a day to detox myself a bit.
Fruit smoothies are going well. Veggie smoothies, not so much. Today, I'm going to try a more tomato-centered mix to get a more v-8 type flavor. This may be a losing battle, who knows. First veggie cocktail wasn't bad, but this last one was awful. Too much new stuff in there: onion and broccoli, for instance. I'll be less indiscriminate on the next one I make.
Like any positive health lifestyle change, this spills over into my conduct during the rest of the week. If you just spent the weekend eating a great healthy diet, the last thing you want to do is undo all your good work with terrible food during the week.
I also bought a little water bottle to keep at my desk at work. I've been drinking a lot of water. Probably like a gallon a day or something of the sort. Otherwise, literally, I'd be drinking a six pack's worth of diet coke, instead. Not that I have anything against diet coke, but it certainly isn't good for you, and probably is bad for you if you overdo it. I've been overdoing it for about 30 years, now.
Today, I stepped on the scale and I was at 206. That probably represents some modest weight-loss. Which, really, if I could get a lifestyle change that resulted in losing a pound or two a week, that would be absolutely wonderful. We'll see how it goes. Last week, I weighed myself and was at like 213.5 or so, but that was a late in the day, fully hydrated weight. Today was first thing in the morning. So, you gain a pound and a half after your morning coffee.
The weather is also getting better. So, I can start walking and getting outdoors a bit. This has been a brutal Winter.
I feel like there are some general improvements in my mood, but that could also just be a reflection of things starting to go my way a little more these days.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Pulling Myself Together
Feeling really good right now. Better than I can remember feeling in a long, long time. For those who haven't been keeping up with the saga, it's been a rough turn of events since about mid-2009. Lots of pretty awful stuff.
The worst part was the sensation that the bad stuff just kept coming and coming. It's not like just surviving a short-term event. It was like crappy things happened over the course of month after month after month. Just when I thought I was done with something, I'd get blindsided by it again. It was horrible.
Now, though, I feel like maybe, finally, the waves have subsided. Most of the bad news appears to be, finally and mercifully, behind me. At least for now.
Two things that I have really been neglecting have been my fitness and my music. Those are, coincidentally, two of my favorite things in the world.
It's just that the events of my life were so exhausting that by the time the day ended, all I wanted to do was dissolve into the couch and watch TV. Who knows, I guess I also had this nagging sensation in the back of my head that I wasn't entitled to enjoy those things since I'd made such a mess of the rest of my life.
The insidious thing about that is that, especially with exercise, you end up in a downward spiral.
Exercise makes you healthier, improves your mood and gives you greater endurance. When things are bad and I stopped exercising, all three of those things took a hit just when I needed them most.
Over the course of the past few weeks, I've moved some hand-weights into the condo from the detached garage. I've been doing a few reps of this and that. I just set up my rower and did a 10K row. I'm ready to get physically active again. It's been a long time.
Not sure what goals I'm going to have with this, other than just making myself healthier. We'll see. The trick now is to keep up working out regularly.
My doctor actually prescribed over the counter Omega-3 fish oil for me to take. I think it's going to have a positive impact on my bloodwork, but I also find I'm just not as hungry throughout the day, now, either. If the press is to be believed, this is a good supplement for folks who don't get much fish in their diet. I doubt it could possibly do any harm. And if the press is to be believed, it may do tremendous good.
The other thing is that I get a promotion at work again this year. It comes with a pretty big bump in pay. Things will be easier, financially, after that.
The upcoming promotion (not until August), and a pretty good tax refund also mean I could afford to start rebuilding my guitar collection. I'm actually playing again, and it feels good.
Really, the two things in my life I've ever done that resulted in me just getting lost in things and losing track of time are playing music and writing computer code. The computer code was seldom enjoyable because whether I lost myself in it or not, there were always deadlines to meet. The guitar, though, is something I love to do.
I was going to take a guitar with me down to the hotel in Dayton where I spend my week-days, but the temperatures lately have been around zero. I am afraid it may damage any instrument I might take down. Once my tax return arrives, though, I'm going to buy a little portable keyboard and road-case. I figure that'll handle extremes in temperature better.
Also, my goal was to get my credit rating back into the 700s, and at least according to one service, it is. I'll continue rebuilding. My near-term goal (sometime in the next 3 years) is to get back to where I can get 0% promotional financing on a new car. I just hope my current hoopty can hold out a few more months or years until that happens.
So, I don't know what it is that triggered things, but things got better all in a hurry. During these past few years, things were pretty hard. I was barely holding it together. My main goal throughout was to not-fail my son, and I hope I did a good job of that. Now, though, I have the energy to devote to making myself a better person.
I'm still not entirely sure what the future holds, but I feel like I'm back on track. 2012 was the year everything fell apart. 2013 was the year it took all I could do to stop losing ground. 2014 may be the year I start making strides forward.
So, goals for this year are:
1. To play music every week
2. To try and exercise every day
3. Stay debt-free
4. Keep making progress professionally
The worst part was the sensation that the bad stuff just kept coming and coming. It's not like just surviving a short-term event. It was like crappy things happened over the course of month after month after month. Just when I thought I was done with something, I'd get blindsided by it again. It was horrible.
Now, though, I feel like maybe, finally, the waves have subsided. Most of the bad news appears to be, finally and mercifully, behind me. At least for now.
Two things that I have really been neglecting have been my fitness and my music. Those are, coincidentally, two of my favorite things in the world.
It's just that the events of my life were so exhausting that by the time the day ended, all I wanted to do was dissolve into the couch and watch TV. Who knows, I guess I also had this nagging sensation in the back of my head that I wasn't entitled to enjoy those things since I'd made such a mess of the rest of my life.
The insidious thing about that is that, especially with exercise, you end up in a downward spiral.
Exercise makes you healthier, improves your mood and gives you greater endurance. When things are bad and I stopped exercising, all three of those things took a hit just when I needed them most.
Over the course of the past few weeks, I've moved some hand-weights into the condo from the detached garage. I've been doing a few reps of this and that. I just set up my rower and did a 10K row. I'm ready to get physically active again. It's been a long time.
Not sure what goals I'm going to have with this, other than just making myself healthier. We'll see. The trick now is to keep up working out regularly.
My doctor actually prescribed over the counter Omega-3 fish oil for me to take. I think it's going to have a positive impact on my bloodwork, but I also find I'm just not as hungry throughout the day, now, either. If the press is to be believed, this is a good supplement for folks who don't get much fish in their diet. I doubt it could possibly do any harm. And if the press is to be believed, it may do tremendous good.
The other thing is that I get a promotion at work again this year. It comes with a pretty big bump in pay. Things will be easier, financially, after that.
The upcoming promotion (not until August), and a pretty good tax refund also mean I could afford to start rebuilding my guitar collection. I'm actually playing again, and it feels good.
Really, the two things in my life I've ever done that resulted in me just getting lost in things and losing track of time are playing music and writing computer code. The computer code was seldom enjoyable because whether I lost myself in it or not, there were always deadlines to meet. The guitar, though, is something I love to do.
I was going to take a guitar with me down to the hotel in Dayton where I spend my week-days, but the temperatures lately have been around zero. I am afraid it may damage any instrument I might take down. Once my tax return arrives, though, I'm going to buy a little portable keyboard and road-case. I figure that'll handle extremes in temperature better.
Also, my goal was to get my credit rating back into the 700s, and at least according to one service, it is. I'll continue rebuilding. My near-term goal (sometime in the next 3 years) is to get back to where I can get 0% promotional financing on a new car. I just hope my current hoopty can hold out a few more months or years until that happens.
So, I don't know what it is that triggered things, but things got better all in a hurry. During these past few years, things were pretty hard. I was barely holding it together. My main goal throughout was to not-fail my son, and I hope I did a good job of that. Now, though, I have the energy to devote to making myself a better person.
I'm still not entirely sure what the future holds, but I feel like I'm back on track. 2012 was the year everything fell apart. 2013 was the year it took all I could do to stop losing ground. 2014 may be the year I start making strides forward.
So, goals for this year are:
1. To play music every week
2. To try and exercise every day
3. Stay debt-free
4. Keep making progress professionally
Friday, January 3, 2014
The Word According to The Fresh Prince
Recently, a friend posted a Will Smith quote on Facebook. Honestly, I have no idea if it is actually a Will Smith quote, but the basic gist was, "Sometimes you have to put the past in the past. Take inventory and appreciate what remains. Then, move forward." (Apologies if the paraphrase is off if, indeed, the famous philospher, "fresh prince of bel aire" is offended.)
That got me thinking. I have gotten very, very good at putting the past in the past. Comes from the learning style of "do it wrong so many times, you have no choice but to stumble on the right way." I have to thank my son for that. I spent the first 35 years of my life regretting pretty much everything I had ever done.
Once my son came around, I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my life, because it all led to him. I wouldn't change a thing about him. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but the love of a parent for a child is unlike anything else in life. He is perfect to me. He was also a perfect beginning. From the moment he was born, I put the past in the past and kept an eye to the future.
I've also always been very, very good about keeping an eye to the future. I was unhappy with my life for most of it. What has always kept me going is the promise of a better day ahead. People will eventually believe what they need to believe in order to face each day. Some people fill this need with faith in God, or love of their fellow man, or a sense of purpose in their lives. I wish I could say that I was driven primarily by all of those things, but that simply isn't true. My faith is in the future. It always has been. Even during my darkest times as a little child, my grandmother would fill my heart and head with visions of a better tomorrow.
That's a great thing, I think. The people I admire most tend to be those with optimism and a vision of the future. The downside is that focusing too much on the future can keep a person from appreciating the present.
That is where I truly fail. I really need to do a better job of appreciating where I am, instead of focusing solely on where I'm going. I need to be more thankful for the many, many blessings in my life.
This is the future I waited so long for. Not all of it turned out badly. In fact, some of it turned out better than I ever could have imagined.
I truly believe that a person's happiness or sadness in life lies largely with their perception of things. Some situations are truly so great that virtually nobody would be unhappy in them. Some situations are truly so horrible that nobody could possibly be happy in them. But most of life, the vast, vast majority, and the way most of us live our lives, is someplace in-between.
I have a challenging situation with trying to balance my time with my son, and a job that's 150 miles away. I'm fortunate, though, that my job is as accommodating of this challenge as any job could reasonably be. I work with great people. I have a sense of purpose in what I do. Even though it's less money than what I'd become accustomed to, the pay is actually very good. Not great, mind you, but good.
There's an old Chinese proverb (probably apocryphal and invented in Los Angeles, like egg rolls), that a blessing for most people is to wish them "enough". As in, "I wish you enough", versus, say, "I wish you tremendous wealth."
This whole thing could have gone so many other ways. Every time I read the paper about those bizarre near-hermits the Walton family, or hear a tale of somebody murdered by a relative in a plot to steal their riches, or a story of a wealthy family's kids dying of a drug overdose, I'm reminded that sometimes wealth isn't the cure-all that I've always thought it would be. Sure, it solves a host of problems. However, it brings a host of different problems.
At a minimum, I know my friends are not motivated by any ulterior motive. I know my son won't be tempted to live a wasted and pointless life on hoarded wealth. Now, yes, if given the choice, I'd take rich people's problems over struggling people's problems any day. However, it's important to note that you truly are trading one set of problems for another. The other set of problems may be less challenging, but they're still problems.
So, I don't have wealth, but I have a good job. I don't have every moment with my son like I'd like, but I do have quality time with him. I still see pretty much every sporting event he's in. There are plenty of fathers who, due to the demands of their work, are far less involved in their kids' lives than they want to be. It wouldn't take much of a stretch to envision myself in that situation.
All in all, if I had to chose between success, wealth, leisure, all the trappings of a fabulous life, and having a healthy son I could be proud of, I'd pick the healthy son. Every time, no hesitation. Well... that's sort of the deal I got. I sort of lost out on all the parts of my life that amount to tinkering around the edges, and I got the only part that really, truly means the world to me. I'm doing pretty good.
Mostly, I should take a look and realize that I still have a lot of time left in my life. I've got a lot of spins of the globe left in me. There is still so much adventure ahead. I can still dream. 10 years from now, I could be working for the government in some foreign country. Or, I could be back writing applications software in Silicon Valley. 20 years from now, I could be comfortably retired, spending my time with my grandkids.
But again, that's looking to the future. In the mean time, my bills are paid and my heart is full. That's enough.
That got me thinking. I have gotten very, very good at putting the past in the past. Comes from the learning style of "do it wrong so many times, you have no choice but to stumble on the right way." I have to thank my son for that. I spent the first 35 years of my life regretting pretty much everything I had ever done.
Once my son came around, I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my life, because it all led to him. I wouldn't change a thing about him. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but the love of a parent for a child is unlike anything else in life. He is perfect to me. He was also a perfect beginning. From the moment he was born, I put the past in the past and kept an eye to the future.
I've also always been very, very good about keeping an eye to the future. I was unhappy with my life for most of it. What has always kept me going is the promise of a better day ahead. People will eventually believe what they need to believe in order to face each day. Some people fill this need with faith in God, or love of their fellow man, or a sense of purpose in their lives. I wish I could say that I was driven primarily by all of those things, but that simply isn't true. My faith is in the future. It always has been. Even during my darkest times as a little child, my grandmother would fill my heart and head with visions of a better tomorrow.
That's a great thing, I think. The people I admire most tend to be those with optimism and a vision of the future. The downside is that focusing too much on the future can keep a person from appreciating the present.
That is where I truly fail. I really need to do a better job of appreciating where I am, instead of focusing solely on where I'm going. I need to be more thankful for the many, many blessings in my life.
This is the future I waited so long for. Not all of it turned out badly. In fact, some of it turned out better than I ever could have imagined.
I truly believe that a person's happiness or sadness in life lies largely with their perception of things. Some situations are truly so great that virtually nobody would be unhappy in them. Some situations are truly so horrible that nobody could possibly be happy in them. But most of life, the vast, vast majority, and the way most of us live our lives, is someplace in-between.
I have a challenging situation with trying to balance my time with my son, and a job that's 150 miles away. I'm fortunate, though, that my job is as accommodating of this challenge as any job could reasonably be. I work with great people. I have a sense of purpose in what I do. Even though it's less money than what I'd become accustomed to, the pay is actually very good. Not great, mind you, but good.
There's an old Chinese proverb (probably apocryphal and invented in Los Angeles, like egg rolls), that a blessing for most people is to wish them "enough". As in, "I wish you enough", versus, say, "I wish you tremendous wealth."
This whole thing could have gone so many other ways. Every time I read the paper about those bizarre near-hermits the Walton family, or hear a tale of somebody murdered by a relative in a plot to steal their riches, or a story of a wealthy family's kids dying of a drug overdose, I'm reminded that sometimes wealth isn't the cure-all that I've always thought it would be. Sure, it solves a host of problems. However, it brings a host of different problems.
At a minimum, I know my friends are not motivated by any ulterior motive. I know my son won't be tempted to live a wasted and pointless life on hoarded wealth. Now, yes, if given the choice, I'd take rich people's problems over struggling people's problems any day. However, it's important to note that you truly are trading one set of problems for another. The other set of problems may be less challenging, but they're still problems.
So, I don't have wealth, but I have a good job. I don't have every moment with my son like I'd like, but I do have quality time with him. I still see pretty much every sporting event he's in. There are plenty of fathers who, due to the demands of their work, are far less involved in their kids' lives than they want to be. It wouldn't take much of a stretch to envision myself in that situation.
All in all, if I had to chose between success, wealth, leisure, all the trappings of a fabulous life, and having a healthy son I could be proud of, I'd pick the healthy son. Every time, no hesitation. Well... that's sort of the deal I got. I sort of lost out on all the parts of my life that amount to tinkering around the edges, and I got the only part that really, truly means the world to me. I'm doing pretty good.
Mostly, I should take a look and realize that I still have a lot of time left in my life. I've got a lot of spins of the globe left in me. There is still so much adventure ahead. I can still dream. 10 years from now, I could be working for the government in some foreign country. Or, I could be back writing applications software in Silicon Valley. 20 years from now, I could be comfortably retired, spending my time with my grandkids.
But again, that's looking to the future. In the mean time, my bills are paid and my heart is full. That's enough.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Time
It is amazing how the perception of the passage of time changes in a person's lifetime. I can still remember being a grade-schooler waiting for Christmas day. One week felt like an eternity. As time goes on, it passes more and more quickly.
When you are a kid, your life stretches out in an incomprehensibly long trail before you. Time is everywhere. It is mostly an obstacle. Time stands in the way of what you want. It makes you wait to graduate high school, to graduate college, to get out of the military.
Eventually, though, time becomes precious. You realize that there are more years behind you than ahead. You wish time could slow down. You now know that time isn't the obstacle to the things you want. Time becomes the thing you want.
2014 will be the year my son turns 13 and starts 8th grade, his final year before High School. He's mostly a young man these days. No longer a little boy. Time set that table, and then cleared it away. I know how quickly 2 or 3 or 4 years can pass. Soon, he'll be out of High School and one way or another, independent and making his way in the world. I can help if I want, but so, so soon, my incredible time watching a boy grow into a man will be over. Now that I've seen so many years, I know that each year will continually pass faster and faster.
I actually don't look forward to the day he's grown. I know he'll be a fine man. I hope things work out so that I'll have grandchildren to play with. I hope my life will be such that I can be an active part of their lives. But it will never feel exactly like this again.
So, I remind myself that each thing has its season. You can't stop and linger at the parts you like the most. The best you can do is appreciate things as they come.
A few years ago, I started on a road that I knew was going to be unpleasant for a few years. 2012 was the start of my great depression. A depression emotionally and financially. Life ebbs and flows. I was riding high from 2007 to 2009. But the downstroke was really, really bad. It has lasted a long, long time.
2014 things will start to get better. Barring any unforeseeable calamities, it should be the start of building something great with what's left of my life. I'll be able to buy a nice house and drive nice cars again, eventually. 2015 should be great.
So, in a way, 2014 is like the last of the bad years. Things will be getting better, but only relative to a pretty deep hole. I need to think of this in the same way I thought of my last year before graduating college, or my last year before getting out of the Army. I need to fill it with the optimism that comes with knowing that you did a drawn-out, challenging thing.
Often, those things that seemed so excruciating when you were going through them provide the most pleasant memories later. I do have joy in my life. Mostly around my son.
He's one of the most athletic kids in his grade, despite being one of the youngest. More importantly, I'm proud of the fine young man he is. He has strong, positive character. I worry about him like any parent would, but he has the tools to go far in life. He gives every indication that he'll make good use of his potential.
So, I find myself torn. Torn between wanting 2014 to end quickly, because it represents the last of the dues I need to pay for my most recent setbacks. Also, torn because I just don't have that many years left with my son as a young man before he is, simply, a full grown man.
In the end, things aren't good or bad because I decide they should be. I can alter the way I look at things, but most things are pretty far outside my control. And time doesn't pass quickly or slowly based on my desires. It passes as it passes.
So, while I'm paying the last of my dues (for now) and looking forward to a better 2015, I will try as much as possible, to enjoy the time as it passes.
Now, on more mundane notes:
1. I think next Winter, if I'm in Ohio, I'm going to take the 2 weeks around Christmas off. Logan is off from school, and I may see if there's any way I can work a week in Phoenix in there. That was a fun thing to do last year. It'd be nice to ring in the New Year with my family out there. Plus, lord knows the weather is a really, really welcome break. Not sure if I'll make it a ski vacation or not, but we'll see.
2. I'm not big on New Year's resolutions because, frankly, they're a cliche. You promise you'll do better on a number of things and by February, you discover you're the same person you always were. But I do believe in trying to be better. I do believe that sometimes you just have to commit to making a change. So, my ONE resolution this year is oatmeal. I'm going to keep oatmeal at work and instead of eating McDonald's or bagels from the bagel shop, I'm going to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
3. I won't know for a few months, but I may have the chance to do some job-related travel in 2014. Sort of a complicated topic, but I really, really want to do this. It's hard to think about much else at the moment.
4. As some of you may know, I was accepted to a code bootcamp in San Francisco last year. However, I decided to ride out the government job just a little longer. I still don't know which direction my life will take. I just believe in investing in yourself. Probably always, but now more than ever, your only job security is the investments you make in your skills. Government work is pretty steady and secure, but nothing is a certainty and the applications development job market is pretty crazy in a few parts of the country. If the economy heats up, things could get sorta nutso. When I will go, or even ultimately if I'll go are still up in the air. But I've got that on the back burner.
5. 2015 is the year when I should be able to decisively turn the tide. So, despite the fact that all time is precious, I hope I can be forgiven for looking past 2014 to some degree.
When you are a kid, your life stretches out in an incomprehensibly long trail before you. Time is everywhere. It is mostly an obstacle. Time stands in the way of what you want. It makes you wait to graduate high school, to graduate college, to get out of the military.
Eventually, though, time becomes precious. You realize that there are more years behind you than ahead. You wish time could slow down. You now know that time isn't the obstacle to the things you want. Time becomes the thing you want.
2014 will be the year my son turns 13 and starts 8th grade, his final year before High School. He's mostly a young man these days. No longer a little boy. Time set that table, and then cleared it away. I know how quickly 2 or 3 or 4 years can pass. Soon, he'll be out of High School and one way or another, independent and making his way in the world. I can help if I want, but so, so soon, my incredible time watching a boy grow into a man will be over. Now that I've seen so many years, I know that each year will continually pass faster and faster.
I actually don't look forward to the day he's grown. I know he'll be a fine man. I hope things work out so that I'll have grandchildren to play with. I hope my life will be such that I can be an active part of their lives. But it will never feel exactly like this again.
So, I remind myself that each thing has its season. You can't stop and linger at the parts you like the most. The best you can do is appreciate things as they come.
A few years ago, I started on a road that I knew was going to be unpleasant for a few years. 2012 was the start of my great depression. A depression emotionally and financially. Life ebbs and flows. I was riding high from 2007 to 2009. But the downstroke was really, really bad. It has lasted a long, long time.
2014 things will start to get better. Barring any unforeseeable calamities, it should be the start of building something great with what's left of my life. I'll be able to buy a nice house and drive nice cars again, eventually. 2015 should be great.
So, in a way, 2014 is like the last of the bad years. Things will be getting better, but only relative to a pretty deep hole. I need to think of this in the same way I thought of my last year before graduating college, or my last year before getting out of the Army. I need to fill it with the optimism that comes with knowing that you did a drawn-out, challenging thing.
Often, those things that seemed so excruciating when you were going through them provide the most pleasant memories later. I do have joy in my life. Mostly around my son.
He's one of the most athletic kids in his grade, despite being one of the youngest. More importantly, I'm proud of the fine young man he is. He has strong, positive character. I worry about him like any parent would, but he has the tools to go far in life. He gives every indication that he'll make good use of his potential.
So, I find myself torn. Torn between wanting 2014 to end quickly, because it represents the last of the dues I need to pay for my most recent setbacks. Also, torn because I just don't have that many years left with my son as a young man before he is, simply, a full grown man.
In the end, things aren't good or bad because I decide they should be. I can alter the way I look at things, but most things are pretty far outside my control. And time doesn't pass quickly or slowly based on my desires. It passes as it passes.
So, while I'm paying the last of my dues (for now) and looking forward to a better 2015, I will try as much as possible, to enjoy the time as it passes.
Now, on more mundane notes:
1. I think next Winter, if I'm in Ohio, I'm going to take the 2 weeks around Christmas off. Logan is off from school, and I may see if there's any way I can work a week in Phoenix in there. That was a fun thing to do last year. It'd be nice to ring in the New Year with my family out there. Plus, lord knows the weather is a really, really welcome break. Not sure if I'll make it a ski vacation or not, but we'll see.
2. I'm not big on New Year's resolutions because, frankly, they're a cliche. You promise you'll do better on a number of things and by February, you discover you're the same person you always were. But I do believe in trying to be better. I do believe that sometimes you just have to commit to making a change. So, my ONE resolution this year is oatmeal. I'm going to keep oatmeal at work and instead of eating McDonald's or bagels from the bagel shop, I'm going to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
3. I won't know for a few months, but I may have the chance to do some job-related travel in 2014. Sort of a complicated topic, but I really, really want to do this. It's hard to think about much else at the moment.
4. As some of you may know, I was accepted to a code bootcamp in San Francisco last year. However, I decided to ride out the government job just a little longer. I still don't know which direction my life will take. I just believe in investing in yourself. Probably always, but now more than ever, your only job security is the investments you make in your skills. Government work is pretty steady and secure, but nothing is a certainty and the applications development job market is pretty crazy in a few parts of the country. If the economy heats up, things could get sorta nutso. When I will go, or even ultimately if I'll go are still up in the air. But I've got that on the back burner.
5. 2015 is the year when I should be able to decisively turn the tide. So, despite the fact that all time is precious, I hope I can be forgiven for looking past 2014 to some degree.
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