Recently, a friend posted a Will Smith quote on Facebook. Honestly, I have no idea if it is actually a Will Smith quote, but the basic gist was, "Sometimes you have to put the past in the past. Take inventory and appreciate what remains. Then, move forward." (Apologies if the paraphrase is off if, indeed, the famous philospher, "fresh prince of bel aire" is offended.)
That got me thinking. I have gotten very, very good at putting the past in the past. Comes from the learning style of "do it wrong so many times, you have no choice but to stumble on the right way." I have to thank my son for that. I spent the first 35 years of my life regretting pretty much everything I had ever done.
Once my son came around, I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my life, because it all led to him. I wouldn't change a thing about him. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but the love of a parent for a child is unlike anything else in life. He is perfect to me. He was also a perfect beginning. From the moment he was born, I put the past in the past and kept an eye to the future.
I've also always been very, very good about keeping an eye to the future. I was unhappy with my life for most of it. What has always kept me going is the promise of a better day ahead. People will eventually believe what they need to believe in order to face each day. Some people fill this need with faith in God, or love of their fellow man, or a sense of purpose in their lives. I wish I could say that I was driven primarily by all of those things, but that simply isn't true. My faith is in the future. It always has been. Even during my darkest times as a little child, my grandmother would fill my heart and head with visions of a better tomorrow.
That's a great thing, I think. The people I admire most tend to be those with optimism and a vision of the future. The downside is that focusing too much on the future can keep a person from appreciating the present.
That is where I truly fail. I really need to do a better job of appreciating where I am, instead of focusing solely on where I'm going. I need to be more thankful for the many, many blessings in my life.
This is the future I waited so long for. Not all of it turned out badly. In fact, some of it turned out better than I ever could have imagined.
I truly believe that a person's happiness or sadness in life lies largely with their perception of things. Some situations are truly so great that virtually nobody would be unhappy in them. Some situations are truly so horrible that nobody could possibly be happy in them. But most of life, the vast, vast majority, and the way most of us live our lives, is someplace in-between.
I have a challenging situation with trying to balance my time with my son, and a job that's 150 miles away. I'm fortunate, though, that my job is as accommodating of this challenge as any job could reasonably be. I work with great people. I have a sense of purpose in what I do. Even though it's less money than what I'd become accustomed to, the pay is actually very good. Not great, mind you, but good.
There's an old Chinese proverb (probably apocryphal and invented in Los Angeles, like egg rolls), that a blessing for most people is to wish them "enough". As in, "I wish you enough", versus, say, "I wish you tremendous wealth."
This whole thing could have gone so many other ways. Every time I read the paper about those bizarre near-hermits the Walton family, or hear a tale of somebody murdered by a relative in a plot to steal their riches, or a story of a wealthy family's kids dying of a drug overdose, I'm reminded that sometimes wealth isn't the cure-all that I've always thought it would be. Sure, it solves a host of problems. However, it brings a host of different problems.
At a minimum, I know my friends are not motivated by any ulterior motive. I know my son won't be tempted to live a wasted and pointless life on hoarded wealth. Now, yes, if given the choice, I'd take rich people's problems over struggling people's problems any day. However, it's important to note that you truly are trading one set of problems for another. The other set of problems may be less challenging, but they're still problems.
So, I don't have wealth, but I have a good job. I don't have every moment with my son like I'd like, but I do have quality time with him. I still see pretty much every sporting event he's in. There are plenty of fathers who, due to the demands of their work, are far less involved in their kids' lives than they want to be. It wouldn't take much of a stretch to envision myself in that situation.
All in all, if I had to chose between success, wealth, leisure, all the trappings of a fabulous life, and having a healthy son I could be proud of, I'd pick the healthy son. Every time, no hesitation. Well... that's sort of the deal I got. I sort of lost out on all the parts of my life that amount to tinkering around the edges, and I got the only part that really, truly means the world to me. I'm doing pretty good.
Mostly, I should take a look and realize that I still have a lot of time left in my life. I've got a lot of spins of the globe left in me. There is still so much adventure ahead. I can still dream. 10 years from now, I could be working for the government in some foreign country. Or, I could be back writing applications software in Silicon Valley. 20 years from now, I could be comfortably retired, spending my time with my grandkids.
But again, that's looking to the future. In the mean time, my bills are paid and my heart is full. That's enough.
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