Captain of my Own Ship

Of many expressions that are used to describe business ownership, the one I like best is "Captain of my Own Ship".  Not so much because of the naval references, but because to me, it sums up best what it's like.

Captains not only have to take into account the internal workings of the ship, but the overall environment and seas the ship sails.  In business, we run into "perfect storms" just like ships at sea can.  Now, granted, owning your own small business is not nearly as dramatic as being captain of a ship at sea.  At sea, decisions can involve literal life and death implications. 

There really aren't that many opportunities in business for a person to die or even to get injured.  Compliance with OSHA requirements and common sense keep our injuries pretty small.  The last injury I can remember happening is when a worker dropped something on his foot.  His foot swelled up and because the worker was diabetic, he was concerned.  I told him to file a worker's comp claim and go see a doctor.  I'm not a physician, and if the guy ended up developing complications and having his foot amputated, I wanted to make sure he was as protected as possible by the worker's comp system.

Of course, it was no such thing.  His foot simply had swelled up a little bit and he was fine.  That is what qualifies as a big injury in my business.  So, yeah, being a Captain at sea?  Perfect storms kill people out there.  We don't worry about that so much in here.

We are in the midst of a perfect storm here, though.  A lot of businesses are not surviving and there's no guarantee that we won't be joining the ranks of companies that didn't make it. 

We're selling off assets, now.  So far, we're trimming fat, but it won't be too long until the stuff we're selling is hacking into sinew and muscle.  We're selling off a thermal imaging camera and a floor sander that we almost never used.  However, we're also putting a truck and truckmount up for auction, and those are things we could potentially use.

Right now, though, we have 4 production trucks and 2 minivans for a company that has been downsized to just 5 employees.  We literally have more vehicles than people right now, a remnant of our days as a million dollar company.

Both the business cycle and the economic cycle have been exceptionally cruel to us for the past year and a half.  We're basically at half our former volume.  What was once an exceedingly profitable company with 14 employees is now down to just those who are absolutely necessary to build us up for the future.

I've always tried to be good to my employees.  I couldn't afford to offer health care, but instead, tried to offer excpetionally generous 401(k) matching and put a few more dollars in the employee's paychecks.  My workers make more than what most newer UAW workers make around here. 

A lot of folks look for ways to gain the upper hand against labor, and to pay them as little as possible.  I've always felt extremely fortunate to have the great workers I do, and am just sad I can't do more for them.

One of my employees came to me the other day and said that he realized how slow business was.  He told me he would be okay with me letting him go if I had to.  I told him I had no intention of doing that. 

He said, "Jim, you've been good to me.  I don't want to see this company go out of business."

It's things like that where I'm simply left speechless.  I don't pay great wages.  My employees have to work their butts off.  I'm not an easy person to work for, and frankly, I'm not always an easy person to be around.  Yet, I have these awesome employees who have stuck by me for years.

When I think of the people I've had to lay off, it pains me horribly.  These were not people who did anything wrong.  They were let go due to lack of business, nothing more.  They were let go because I wasn't smart enough to find a way to keep them on the payroll.

Do I feel guilty about that?  You bet.  Every day.

It's not that I didn't try.  My personal finances took a six figure hit to try and keep everybody employed before I simply ran out of money.  After that I kept as many people employed as I could until I ran out of credit. 

Through it all, though, I feel really bad.  I was the captain of this ship and it's run aground.  Doesn't matter the whys and wherefores.  I was in charge.

I do get into self-pitying moods now and then.  When times were good, they were really good.  I also think times will get back to that point in the future, which is why I'm hanging on. 

In the mean time, this is a ship with problems and I'm doing what I can to try and keep it afloat.  This business will see profitable years in the near future.  Might not be next year or the year after, but it will happen.

We're really lean right now.  Maybe a bit too lean.  So, we are in a position to be very, very profitable if business picks up.  I've done my best to get the company to the right size for our current level of sales.  So, even if we have another year next year at these reduced sales levels, I should be able to make money. 

The weather is beautiful right now.  This should be our last bad 4 weeks of business.  Mid December is the historical start of our busy-season.  Last year, though, things never picked up.  If we can at least keep things constant, I should be in great shape for next year.

In the mean time, this has been a trauma, both financially and emotionally.  I am not sure how much longer I'll do this particular type of business.  I'm considering other options and other potential careers for the last two decades of my working life. 

So many things I would have done differently, but that's not life, is it?  You only get to move forward.  You can only try to shape your future.  You can't change the past.

I just made travel plans for December drill.  I can't tell you how tickled I am that my commander is letting me double up on drills.  I'll have half my year's drills done in December.  I may also try to get into my certification class a bit earlier, like in March.  I had planned on doing it in August, but now, I don't want to wait that long.

I'm also booking my flights with American Airlines instead of Southwest.  Too many plane changes and stops with southwest.  American has evening nonstops to Detroit, which means I can leave right after my Sunday drill.  Fewer nights away from home.  Southwest is awesome about everything, but if you fly with them, it can take a long time to get where you're going.  I am sort of regretting booking with them to get me to/from Disney next week.  The flight back will be a long one, and it will try my patience a little bit, but will probably be really tough for my little guy.

It's a bumpy ride these days, all things considered.  Everything feels challenging, but again, that's life, isn't it?  I couldn't tell you what my life will look like 12 months from now.  If my biz finds a buyer, I may be just a full-time student.  There's just no way to know.