http://www.theahaconnection.com/2012/01/21/20-things-to-share-with-your-high-school-and-middle-school-student/
I've seen this list published a few times and frankly, the advice is so utterly bad in a few cases that I can't believe anybody would pass this thing on. So, being that I'm shy and quiet, here's my take on the list:
"1. Yes, your freshman year counts towards your GPA for college entrance. Screw it up and you’ll work for crap wages your whole life."
Yes, your freshman GPA counts for college entrance. The rest of it isn't particularly useful. There are kids out there who, upon graduation, will apply to highly competitive colleges. Most won't. To say that if you don't get in to Harvard or Yale, that you will "work for crap wages your whole life" is about the stupidest thing I can imagine an adult saying.
There are so very, very many things wrong with this that it's hard to even find a place to start. What if your child isn't going to college right out of High School? What if they're going to do 2 years in a Junior college first? (Most JCs don't care what your GPA is.) What if they're applying to a school that isn't that hard to get into? Honestly, that covers, what, 99% of high school graduates?
How about scholarships, etc? Yes, go ahead and study hard. It would have been reasonable to say, "get great grades, even as a freshman, it may save you thousands of dollars when you compete for scholarships."
Crap wages your entire life? That's something so stupid that it's hard to believe a sentient mammal would believe it. Most jobs, frankly, aren't that competitive GPA-wise. Most careers, your GPA is inconsequential after you get your first entry-level job at graduation. Most people never go to graduate school. There are a whole heck of a lot of rich people who never had a good GPA, anywhere. In the real world where most of us live, a lot of a person's lifetime earnings have to do with soft skills: the EQ type stuff that GPA doesn't measure.
So, there's a kernel of truth in there. However, at best, this statement is 10% truth, 90% absolute falsehood.
"3. Join every sport, every club, every after school activity no matter what the cost. It’s cheaper than bail."
Ummm... so... every kid who isn't a joiner is a criminal. Got it. Not only do I not take such a dim view of young people, I also realize that some kids are just going to take a little while to come into their own. The nerdy kids who aren't comfortable in High School groups sometimes don't hit their stride, socially, until college, where cleverness, kindness and sense of humor are starting to be recognized and sought after.
Plus... ummm... what if a kid just doesn't want to do any after-school activities this semester? I'm all for doing every available activity IF YOU WANT TO. What if you don't? Your only alternative is jail? Frankly, the number of after-school activities joined is probably a good indication of extroversion, and thus, a good measure of how a person would do in careers that involve the public. I also believe that participating in activities makes the High School experience more enjoyable.
However, if a kid wants to sit in their bedroom and practice guitar 4 hours a day, then good for them. More important than badgering kids to join activities, I'd place a higher premium on them finding wirthwhile things they really enjoy and pursuing those. If that doesn't involve joining glee club and the lacrosse team, then so be it.
Again, a kernel of wisdom, then 90% crap.
"6. Don’t ever get a credit card and go into debt. Ever. You earn it or you live without it."
Actually, this is pretty much like telling a kid to be Amish so they won't get AIDS. You don't want to teach them absolutes. You want to teach them moderation. One of the life-lessons a kid should get sometime is the ability to use and manage credit wisely. Carrying debt on a credit card? Hey, great if you can avoid it, but prudent use of credit is something they will have to do when they buy a house. Most kids will have to use debt prudently to buy a car. (And if you buy a car with cash instead of using 0% manufacturer financing, you're a fool.) If you have a business, it won't be much of a business if you can't use credit.
Using a credit card to make a purchase, then paying off the balance is a GREAT lesson to teach kids, especially teens under your care, before they go off to college and figure it out by trial and error.
Still, it's wise to warn kids about the dangers of credit card debt. So, this one isn't totally bad. I'd advise more that kids use moderation.
So, maybe 50% truth on this one, and 50% crap.
"7. If I yell at you, it’s because I love you. And also, because you pissed me off. To avoid the latter, stop being an idiot."
Sounds to me like this parent is an idiot. Did your kid rape somebody? Did they kill somebody in a DUI incident? Why are you yelling at them? Bad grades? Get a grip. Do you yell at people at work? Why not? Because they'd fire your insane ass, that's why. If you're yelling at your kids just because they can't fire you, that means you're abusing your position and your authority.
Here's a crazy idea: don't yell at your kids. That way you set an example that you don't solve problems by yelling at people.
This advice seems to really be saying, "I'm a bad parent and a bad person. So, it's okay that I act insane. Sit there and take it."
This one is 100% crap.
"15. I’ve been there, done that on more things than you can imagine. I’m not stupid and I know what you are doing. I was once you (times ten)."
On a lot of things, yes, but on a lot of things, no. Remember when you got cyberbullied? Remember when your 14 year old girlfriend sexted you? Remember when you vandalized the neighborhood stop sign and somebody posted the video on youtube? Remember when your classmate came down with AIDS?
Yeah, me neither. Each generation has its own set of problems and they aren't all handled with the things we learned 20 or 30 years ago. Here's some crazy advice: don't pretend to know it all. Your parents didn't. Your kids don't. You don't. Some of this stuff, frankly, you and your kid will both need to figure out together.
"16. Work hard at everything you do. Anything worth doing is worth doing your best."
This, frankly, sounds like advice from a person who hasn't accomplished much in their lives and thinks that the way to get their kids to achieve is to give them unrealistic standards to meet. So, when you scrub the toilet, do you take 13 days and get bacteria strips sent off to a lab? Some things can and should be done with minimal effort. There's a name for the condition where a person does everything at 100%. It's called OCD. It's not pleasant and it doesn't lead to high achievement.
"17. Cover it. (Enough said.)"
I can't tell whether they're saying to use condoms or to not sneeze on other people.
"18. When I tell you to clean your room, do not point at my messy room and raise your eyebrows. I’m trying to raise you to be better than me."
Seriously, I genuinely pity the kids of this person. What sort of messed up mind comes up with crap like this. "I'm an crazy freak, but that's okay because I'm a grown up and you can't stop me." How about, "I'm okay and ya know, some stuff just isn't that important. I survived and so will you."
See note 7. Lead by example. If you can't or don't do it, don't expect your kids to.
"19. Learn to type; to budget; and to pray. All are very important."
Not trying to get into a theological debate here, but if you're telling your teenage kids they need to learn to pray, chances are they don't.
"20. Never be sedentary. Someday soon you will no longer be able to move like that. Enjoy it."
Umm... so... sitting on a couch and watching a movie... "never". Got it.
The following? I have no problem with. Some of it is just maudlin lameness, and some of it is genuinely good advice:
2. No means NO. In every possible circumstance.
4. Repeat after me: I am never in that much of a hurry…I am never in that much of a hurry. Now say that every time you get behind the wheel. It will save your life and that of your best friend in the seat next to you.
5. Don’t smoke pot. It ruins your short term memory. (Did I already say that?)
8. Make a vivid picture inside your head of every great moment of your childhood. You’ll need those to get through adulthood.
9. Make snow angels as often as possible.
10. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
11. Be always benevolent. Yes, that’s a word. Look it up.
12. Call me for a ride even if you are so drunk you barely know my number. I’ll probably be mad for a while but I’ll respect you for calling and I won’t kill you. Riding with someone who is drinking will.
13. Be a leader, not a follower. Unless you are doing stupid things, then follow the kid with the highest GPA.
14. Love your siblings, even when you don’t like them. Some day you will be trying to get them to take care of me in my old age. If they are mad at you, you are stuck with me.
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