Bald head, lawn tractor and other items of no importance...

Got tired of my hair and shaved my head today.  This is something I plan on doing about once a year when the weather gets hot.  I love having no hair.  Feels great and it's easy to take care of. 

Unfortunately, it makes me look like an escaped mental patient or an inmate.  Not a good look.  At this point, though, I don't really care.  I'll let it grow out and by the time Summer is ending, my hair will look normal again.

The rain might abate long enough for Logan to have his tournament this weekend.  It's baseball madness.  At least 6 games during a 6 game stretch.  If they do well enough, it'll be 8 games.  Poor kid will probably be sick of baseball by next week. 

Took the zero turn mower to the dealer for an annual servicing.  It was acting up a little bit, anyway.  I won't have it back for 9 days.  With the rate things are raining right now, the grass will be beserk by the time I get it back.  That's okay.  One of the nice things about the mower is that it's basically one of the most heavy-duty mowers that John Deere makes.  Doesn't matter how tall the grass is, the mower takes care of it in short order. 

I'm sorta looking forward to taking on the lawn when I have the steed back.

I need to buy some topsoil, I think.  I want to put some in the base of Logan's basketball hoop.  It keeps falling over.  I'm not sure I can repair the thing, but it also needs a new rim.  The backboard is also bent.  I'll see what I can do to straighten all that out.  He really likes to shoot hoops.  Having a rim handy is sorta important for him at this age.  He loves basketball.

Speaking of Logan, he ran his school's 1-mile run and finished in 7:25.  Little speedster.  There are a couple of kids faster, but Logan has always been one of the fastest in his class.

Other than that, I bought a new microwave.  I also got a vacuum cleaner from my brother who is garage saleing all his stuff before moving to Northern California. 

I also got a couple of books about law school sent to me as promotional copies by guys who I know through a law school discussion board.  After I get done watching my Netflix "forgetting sarah marshall", I'll start reading those.

Weather has been rainy as all get-out and work is going really well.  Should be an excellent month.  We should have smooth sailing between now and July at least.  Beyond that, it's impossible to guess.

That's all the news that's fit to print and a whole bunch that really isn't.

I just gotta snap out of it...

I've really been in a funk and I need to snap out of it.  I haven't been exercising.  Haven't been spending enough time at work.  Haven't made any progress on my Civ Pro E&E book.  I've just generally been a slug.  I really haven't been as active for my son's travel baseball team as I was last year, either.

I'm just feeling sorta blah.  I don't know if it qualifies as actual depression, but I'm just feeling worn out.  I did get a momentary respite when the tax refunds came in.  I got to pay down the credit cards by quite a bit.  That whole situation is a wreck, but bit by bit, I'm moving in the right direction for a change.

I've just got this wierd feeling that is looming over everything that I'm somehow failing Logan.  I don't think he's showing any signs of it, but who knows.  I'm concerned.  I did a terrible job as a husband and now he has to grow up in two separate households.  I did a terrible job with my business and now I can't afford nice stuff.  I did a terrible job with my career and now I'm going back to school.

Just feelin' sorta loser-ish.  Maybe this is what midlife crisis feels like.  I am absolutely feeling the weight of my years.  Thinking a lot about old age, etc.  I'm really pulling future problems into the present.  I worry what will happen when Logan goes to college.  I wonder what'll happen if I get Alzheimer's.

I think Law School will be good for me.  It's an intellectually stimulating environment.  I'll be around hopeful, young, smart people.  Going in the daytime means I won't have to sacrifice much as far as quality time with my boy. 

Yesterday I really got pissed off at some exceptionally douchebaggy behavior by my franchise trainer.  He's got a new boss who is an absolute idiot.  The boss has been here before.  He's really sarcastic and condescending. 

Anyway, they came for a visit yesterday.  Usually, I have the office staff work with them to provide them with information.  I come in to finish up anything they need me for, personally.

Got a call yesterday at 9:00.  They said, "Hey, we're here, but you're not.  Are you coming?"

I said, "Oh, sorry.  Was my staff available to help you?"

They said, "Yeah, but they're leaving now."

"Oh, okay, I'll be right there."

Jumped in the car, got to the warehouse, my guys were there, but the trainer and his boss were gone.

I called and asked what was going on.  "Are you guys coming back?"
No, they were leaving for the day.

Ummm... hmmm...

Now, honestly, these visits by the trainers are a total pain in the ass.  For the most part they're 99% waste of time.  The other 1% is usually an accident.  I just accomodate them because I figure it's their job to visit franchisees. 

The more I thought about it, though, that was really ****ing rude.  I mean, okay, I wasn't there.  Sorry, I didn't know you needed my personal attention.  Usually, it doesn't go that way.  They want to see this or that file, or go over this or that administrative thing.  It's better that they do it with the employees who handle that stuff than for me to act as go-between and ask the employees for the information.

If they had just gotten pissed off and left, no problem.  Get pissed off and leave.  I really don't care.

But to call me?  Hear me say, "oh, sorry, I'll be right there", then leave knowing full well that I'm coming there specifically because they said they needed my personal attention and couldn't do what they had to do with my employees?

I stewed for a while, then called the trainer and dropped a full bushell of f-bombs on him.  At first, I asked him if there was something going on because there's really no rational explanation for his behavior.

He eventually came up with, "Well, we had a meeting.  I was there on time..."

Okay, zip it right there, Sparky.  Not sure if you understand, but it's not my job to accomodate your schedule.  It's your job to accomodate mine.  You don't pay my salary.  I pay yours.  LET'S.  GET.  THIS.  RELATIONSHIP.  DEFINED.  RIGHT.  FUCKING.  NOW.

I figured he had copped an attitude and that was the reason for the bizzarre behavior. 

At that point, I just said, "Look, if you NEED to see me to verify something or get some information, that's fine.  Otherwise, I don't want you to come back."

The reality is that these visits don't benefit me one whit.  I just accomodated them out of professional courtesy. 

He said, "Okay, if all you want is what's contractually obligated, we can do that."

Actually, I don't even want that.  I will do that because it's required, but in the best of all worlds, you clowns would disappear until I asked to see you. 

These trainers can be very helpful in the early stages when you really need help and are learning how to do X, Y or Z.  However, after a year or two of doing this, you very, very quickly get to a point where you know far more about running a business than a guy who just sits around watching other people run businesses.  Also, some are better than others.  I can name a handful that I really like, who have been immensely helpful to me and who were and are a pleasure to deal with.  Unfortunately, those guys are, at best, about 50% of the trainers.

At that point, the trainer largely becomes a pain in the ass with really stupid ideas.

Here's a perfect example.  Last time they visited, they concluded the visit by asking, "So, is there anything you need from us?"

My answer:  "Yes.  I want a marketing and business plan for a carpet cleaning business. Stanley Steemer makes money at this.  I can make money at it, too."

I figured they'd take that information back to corporate and come back with something.

Instead, they just started pulling ideas out of their ass.

"Oh, well, you have to put the one guy on commission."

No shit Sherlock.  Really?  What I want to know is WHAT COMMISSION, DUMBASS!!!!????  HOW MUCH?  PAID HOW OFTEN?  HOW MUCH FOR WORK SCHEDULED BY THE OFFICE?  HOW MUCH FOR EACH UPSELL?

They also shared gems like, "If the customer calls you and asks for a discount carpet cleaning, you should bring in the roto scrubber, put it right in their living room and say, 'oh, sorry Mrs. Jones, you mean you didn't want the showcase cleaning?  My paperwork here says you did, but that's no problem.  It does a much better job of cleaning and would only be an additional $X.'  That way you can upsell her."

So... your advice to me, when I ask you for a business plan and marketing plan for a carpet cleaning business is to show up into people's homes and lie to them to try and decieve them into paying for a service they didn't want?

In my 6th year of doing this, I've come to realize that the trainers really are just guys doing a job.  They're not bad people.  They just have to do what they're told.  Part of that is to visit franchises.  Part of that is to pretend to listen when the franchisees say they want something.  The other part is to take suggestions from corporate, no matter how unprofitable and stupid, and continue to try and get the franchisee to do them. 

(And keep in mind the unprofitable stupid ideas are the ones on the fringes.  The vast bulk of what the franchise recommends is good stuff.  Where they jump the tracks is when they come up with a guideline which, after years, not a single franchise has implemented profitably, and they're still trying to push it out into the field.)

I accept that.  If they need to visit somebody, I figured why not be hospitable.  They weren't actually doing anything beneficial for me, but what's the harm? 

This latest episode?  Yeah, sorry doofus.  Find somebody else who has time to waste when you need to justify your stupid job. 

Ah well.  Rob is having a garage sale and I bought his bicycle.  Logan is almost big enough to ride it.  I'll see if I can find my pedal wrench and other tools and try to adjust it to him tonight.  I also bought a tire from Rob.  It's hanging off the front porch to give Logan a target for baseballs and footballs.  I'm sure our HOA is delighted.

It's also going to be good to watch Logan play some baseball.  He's really been heating up at the plate lately.  It's great watching these kids play.

The Way it Are...

Things are going pretty well these days.  I have had a sense of the blahs that really took hold this Winter.  I attribute it to my crappy business, but who knows.  Might be more to it.  The separation from Tessa, having to share Logan every other day.  It's all in there, I'm sure.

Business hasn't been that bad latey.  This is shaping up to be a good month.  We're still bumping along the bottom.  Our previous 12 months is worse than all but our first two years of business. 

At this point, I just need the business to hold it together for three more years.  After that, I'll be done with this, I think.  It'll be time to do something new, then.

I can tell I was getting depressed the past few months because now that I'm feeling pretty good, I'm taking care of things that I let slide for quite a while. 

Now that it's raining, things are almost back to normal with the business.  Back in our heyday, we averaged a bit over $80,000 a month.  Now, we're less than half, but show signs of getting up over the $50,000 level on a regular basis.  We'll see.  I still think the weather was the largest factor these past couple of years. 

Maybe not.  Like anything reasonably complex in an open system, a lot of this is just guessing.

Logan is doing really well right now.  I am just proud of the kid every day.  He's been hitting well in baseball.  (.400 for the past 10 games.)  I was really worried at the start of the season, but he really has gotten himself straightened out. 

Law school is barelling down on me.  I feel like it's just looming.  We'll have to see how it goes.  I'm torn between either trying not to take out any student loans (it's remotely possible) and taking out as many loans as possible and using the money to pay existing debt.  I should probably take the loans out.  If it turns out I don't need the money, I can always just pay the debt off, early.

Navy has been frustrating, but I think it always is.  Administration in the military is usually an adventure and the reserves are usually worse.  I wanted a class in Rock Island IL on certain dates, but they screwed things up for long enough that the class filled up before they got me straightened out.  I'll take a different class in Kettering, OH, but it might mean I'll have to miss my cousin's wedding.  I'll do whatever I can.  However, there's a possibility I'll miss it. 

That would suck.  This is one of Marianne's kids and I was always close to all of them.  Marianne and John were always exceptionally generous to me.  Like I said, I'll just deal with it as the time comes.  I'll probably beg my classmates and professor and see what I can do.  This class is sort of an intense two week class and I think they work through the weekends.  Maybe I can see if I can get a pass for the day on Saturday if I agree to do extra on Sunday or something.  Who knows.

That's pretty much it for the time being.  If the business can string together a few good months, I'll really be able to chip away at my debt.  I took on way too much these past two years.  I just never thought the downturn would be this bad and this protracted. 

I can still see scenarios where we're back to doing a million a year in volume, but it'll require a little help from the weather.  We haven't had much of that in a long, long time. 

Things are looking up...

Pretty drastic change since a few months ago.  Things were pretty bad then in the business.  Since then, we've been having a wet Spring and business has been good for the first time in a long, long time.  If we can string together another few good months, I'll be that much further out of the hole.

It does sorta suck.  Both me and the business are broke all the time, but for the same reason:  every additional dime we get goes to pay off the debt we've accumulated over these past couple of years.  Still, it's moving in the right direction.  Every month, the debt is considerably smaller.  If we can keep this going, life should be good, eventually.

It's basically three months until Law School starts.  Need to finish up my current E&E.  Then, I'll move on to "getting to maybe"and buy the LEEWS system.  (Those are things to help you with taking law school exams.)  Not sure if I'll finish all four E&Es like I had hoped.  I'll just have to wait and see.

Logan is hitting again.  Was a little concerned by his first few ABs this season, but he's really been having good at bats lately.  I don't see anything there that needs a major overhaul at all.  His coach said he thought Logan's bat from last year was worn out.  That's possible given that it was used by half the team all off-season. 

My trusty iPod died the other day.  Bought another one off of Amazon.  It should arrive today.

So, pretty much all good news.  Only area of concern is that we could use more money in the checking accounts (business and personal), but that's just going to be an ever-present concern for the foreseeable future.

I had been sorta down lately.  I think dealing with the business and being broke all the time was just wearing me out.  Though, again, things are showing some improvement.  So, maybe that won't be a problem too much longer. 

All I can do at this point is let it play itself out and see how it goes.

Oh, son. Your compassion is both odd and inspiring.

Walking down the sidewalk the other day, Logan saw a snake that wasn't moving.  It was a common garter snake.  We took a stick and moved it off into the grass.  It gave me a chance to explain that they weren't dangerous.  Mostly, they just ate bugs.

Logan said, "so, they're defenseless like the muskrat?" 

Yeah, pretty much.

"But they're beneficial because they eat bugs?"

Yeah, that's pretty much right.

Didn't give it much more thought until today.  Logan was playing with a friend and was walking home with his buddy when his buddy saw the same snake in the same place. 

I was in the house, and what I heard was, "X is grabbing the snake by its head and he's gonna take it home!  I told him to leave it alone, but he wouldn't listen!"

I tried to tell him that, well, it's a garter snake.  However, he saw what he thought was a person being cruel to an animal. 

I really wasn't able to come up with a good way to explain that it's sorta okay in this case.  I mean, it's a reptile.  His buddy didn't seem intent on harming it.  Was just curious and wanted to play with it.  I just couldn't put together a coherent line of reasoning that would explain it.

Meanwhile, tears were welling up in his eyes.  He felt like he was seeing an injustice being acted out and he was doing everything he could think of to try and stop it.

So, I went outside to see if I could talk his friend into letting the snake go in the ravine behind my house. 

That's probably where we should have put the thing to begin with when we saw it a couple of days ago.

When we went out, his buddy had obviously dropped the thing and ran home.  We got a box, loaded the snake into it and took it behind my house and let it go in the wooded ravine.  It will be left to its own devices there, to either eat bugs and live to the end of its natural days, or be eaten by a hawk, owl or maybe even the muskrat.

I tried to explain that reptiles don't have brains like mammals.  I really wasn't able to make a good case for why you shouldn't really care that much that the neighbor is messing with a garter snake. 

That's not what he saw, though.  Logan is a sensitive kid with a strong sense of justice.  To him, messing with people and things that aren't causing any problems is just mean.  I guess it is. 

We went to Kroger because I ran out of milk.  So, he told me that he is really bothered when people mess with animals.  Apparently when he was at his grandparents, they were watching an outdoor channel with some sort of bear-hunting episode.  He was bothered by it. 

He just couldn't understand why people would needlessly shoot an animal. 

Ah, the luxuries of growing up in the suburbs.  Kids on farms grow up and accept this sort of thing with a shrug.  To Logan, any living thing is like the family pet. 

I tried explaining hunting to him and how it was necessary because man clears out the natural predators and overpopulation can happen. 

I am sure he understood, intellectually.  I doubt he grasped it, emotionally.

This kid is just a marvel to me.  I have always had a goal of trying to make his childhood better than mine was.  I guess it never dawned on me that he might end up being a much better person as a result. 

His compassion, responsibility, all his positive traits are just a marvel to me.  I really got lucky with this kid.

Someday, I guess he'll understand the distinction between a reptile and the family dog.  Until then, I'm pretty proud of him just like he is.

Bin Laden is Gone!

This is one of those news items where I think it'll just take a while for it to settle in.  Osama Bin Laden is gone.  I should be elated.  9/11 was the Pearl Harbor of my lifetime.  It happened just a couple months after my son was born.  When they were tallying up the dead, I remember sitting on the floor of my living room, watching the news accounts, and weeping.  The senseless death.  The idea that I had brought a baby into such a violent world.

Soon after that, I looked for ways to serve in the military again.  Difficult, given my advanced age at the time.  The era didn't have a "the yanks are coming... over there!" feel to it.  It felt like an era of grim death to me.

Bin Laden wasn't a genius.  He was a man of some wealth with an absolute hatred for the United States who had let his religion fester into an irrepressible hatred.  The worst example of both humanity and of faith.  He had used his many gifts to kill thousands and to inflict pain on countless others.

I know I should feel good about this.  As a former Army Paratrooper, current Navy Officer and citizen of the United States of America.

I just don't.  This is a milestone in the realities of human stupidity and depravity.  Thousands are dead.  Nothing was accomplished by either side.

This is not to say that I don't think the US actions in the war on terror were justified.  In fact, I do.  To a large degree, I think the actions of the Bush administration were reasonable under the circumstances, even though public sentiment on this has swung wildly against them.

It's just that in a world where human beings can cure cancer, create e. coli that secretes diesel fuel, and put men on the moon, we lost so many lives and wasted so many resources on this.  As human beings we're capable of such great things.  That we would use our talents for this?

It's all such a terrible waste.  War always is.

My son woke up this morning, came downstairs and I told him that Osama Bin Laden was dead. 

He had never heard of him.

That, more than anything, is why I wear the uniform.  So, my son can live in a world where Osama Bin Laden just isn't part of his reality.

Good riddance, Bin Laden.  Your life wasn't worth the life of a single soldier, or even of one of your misguided pawns.  It most certainly wasn't worth the lives of the thousands of people you killed.

Maybe I'm feeling numb because I know this doesn't fix anything.  There'll be another Bin Laden.  There will be people so violent and hate-filled that they will attack either us or other innocent people across the world. 

Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom.  I'm not celebrating, today.  I'm just feeling the weight of that price.