As some of you may know already, Logan made the city's travel baseball team. In fact, it's a little bigger than the city. It's actually the team for the entire local recreation district with includes both the city of and neighboring township. It's quite an accomplishment for him and I'm very proud he made the team.
I'm also very happy that he made the team. The level of play is considerably better. That's only natural considering that this is a hand-picked team of 12 kids, selected from almost 50 who tried out. Those 50 were clearly head and shoulders above the hundreds who played rec league ball the previous Spring.
The other factor is that the coaching is much, much better. The head coach is able to teach Logan things about the game that I just can't. The assistant coach was probably the best rec league coach we had. Since my baseball experience consists of being the worst player on my little league team in the 2nd and 3rd grade (despite the fact that I absolutely love baseball and think it's the most elegant and beautiful sport in the world), I need others to teach my son if he's going to reach his potential.
I would like to see him play a sport in High School, and I am hoping this increases his chances of making his High School team. (These 12 kids will eventually be distributed between the two public High Schools, and maybe a few parochial schools as well.)
That having been said, I notice that the coach is harder on his own son than he is on the rest of the team. It's been noticeable all year long, but tonight it was particularly pronounced.
Now, on the one hand, the coach's son was making some boneheaded plays. For instance, he threw a baseball, full-force, to first base when he was simply too close. He could have injured the kid playing first base. The correct play was to flip the ball, or as these kids are being coached, to throw it like you might throw a dart. (Elbow in line, then a forward throw using mostly just your forearm.)
It wasn't just that one, but the kid made a few other bad plays and the coach was being pretty hard on him. Eventually, the boy was crying. Couldn't blame the kid. These kids are 8 and 9 years old.
Granted, they're talented athletes. Even at this age, I can't hold a candle to the skills these kids show. They're also driven. There isn't a kid out there who hasn't worked hard on his game.
They're hand-selected not just for their physical abilities, but for their maturity and self-discipline in gaining the skills that got them here.
But they're 8 and 9 years old. They're still just kids. I'm sure some folks think I'm a permissive parent, but I've come to believe that you teach kids with nurturing and support. Punishing them too often or severely and setting them up with too-stringent rules just sets them up for failure and the potential for self-esteem issues later in life.
The coach is a guy for whom I have an actual fondness. He loves kids and he's a great coach.
After the practice, he walked over and asked if I thought he was being too hard on his son.
I really did. So, I said, "I would probably dial it back a little."
We talked and I emphasized that he had a great son, and he agreed. I pointed out that it's hard to coach your own kid, though.
For those who haven't experienced it, you can take reasonable, normal, caring, loving fathers and in certain circumstances, with their own sons, their patience flies completely out the window.
I think a little of it is a father's own insecurity about themselves manifesting itself. Sort of like, "Well, my son is a reflection of me and he's letting me down."
A little of it is just that fathers may have worked really hard with a son on a particular skill. So, when the son goofs up, the father is frustrated.
Thing is, at this level, a coach may get frustrated because he worked with his kid and his kid goofed up. However, every kid on that team has involved fathers who are working with the kids quite a bit. So, the coach's kid is no different than any other kid who makes a mistake.
There's also an element of safety, here. One of the things the kid did was actually dangerous. However, in the kids defense, it happened at the very end of practice after he'd been ridden pretty hard for an hour and was probably feeling the pressure of having his every move being microanalyzed.
I pointed out to the coach that his son is probably trying extra hard for his Dad, and to some degree, trying extra, extra hard to try and avoid being criticized.
I offerred the observation that both coaches are harder on their own kids than they are on anybody else's. The other coach is a little harder, but not nearly so much as the head coach.
However, a lot of that just comes with being the son of a head coach. That's a hard job and this isn't the first or only situation where a head coach is hardest on his own kid.
I suggested maybe he work something out with the other coach to let the other coach deal with the head coach's son.
Now, don't get me wrong... the head coach's son is going to be one of the more challenging kids on the team to coach. However, after what I saw tonight, I think part of his problem (though not the whole problem) is that he's playing under a microscope where the head coach is WAY harder on him and the disapproval of the head coach also means the disapproval of HIS FATHER.
Reminds me of a time when I was driving and a woman who shall remain nameless was telling me which route to take, which lane to get in, when to turn... finally, I had to tell her, "you're making me crazy right now. I'm actually a much less safe driver because you're micromanaging everything I'm doing."
I had to think about not just the normal tasks of driving, but I had to worry about whether the lane I was in was going to draw a comment, etc. It reflected in my driving. Enough that I had to tell her, flat-out, to stop it before I got into an accident.
The situation this kid was dealing with was backseat driving on steroids. He's only 9 and he wasn't just hearing backseat driving.
The main reason I am posting is that this stands out so much to me. I actually had a lot of difficulty going to sleep last night because I couldn't get this out of my head. I woke up way too early and this was the first thing that came to mind.
I do hope the coach takes my advice to let the other coach handle his son. Kids don't listen to their own fathers the same way they listen to a coach. And fathers don't coach their own kids they way they coach everybody else's.
It's just an unfortunate, but all-too-often overlooked reality of parenting that I think folks need to be aware of.
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