I used to think I had a hard life. Over the passage of years and travels of miles, I know now that this isn't really true. My difficulties, in the grand scheme of things, have been minor. Sometimes a little perspective goes a long, long way.
It's been a hard fall down the ladder of success that I had climbed. In first half of 2009, I was at the peak. I had pretty much everything I ever wanted in life. I had nearly every material possession I had ever desired. I was even talking to the folks at Cessna about buying an airplane.
Most importantly, I had my son. If I were to write blog posts from now until the day I die, I could never fully express just how much I love him and how wonderful he is. It is as though I willed him into existence selecting everything I wish I would have been in life. He's handsome, funny, smart, hard-working, compassionate, athletic... they type of kid who loves all and in return is loved by all.
Now, it's almost all gone. I have had precious few mercies in the past four years. The one good turn I have had is my job. Getting a job I love is a pretty big thing. It makes life difficult with the long drive, but I'm more fortunate than many. So many people without jobs, and so many slogging along in jobs they hate.
Still, the indignity and incongruity of this situation is hard for me to bear sometimes. I sink into foul moods and wonder why in the world it seems that I'm always the one who is tasked with making the most when given the least. I've had to sit by while I lose both the houses that had been so easy to afford just a few years ago. Meanwhile, others close to me have been given homes or had their mortgages paid for them.
I've lost my business when I treated my employees well and by all measures was steering it as well as possible given the current business climate. The weather, the divorce and the economy amounted to a perfect storm I just couldn't get past. Others not far away had the weather it took to keep things afloat. Lean times are not uncommon in that business, and if you're unlucky enough to have enough lean times in a row, you're going down. Near as I can figure, 4 other franchisees around me have thrown in the towel in the past year. The weather was the biggie. You just can't fix disasters when the weather doesn't produce any.
Strangely, my biggest opportunities these days are in war. I have skills and connections and military rank that would allow me to help right my floundering financial ship if I could get overseas to Afghanistan. Fortunately for the world, Iraq has closed down and Afghanistan is due to be completely over by 2014. So, there's really nothing left to save me.
In a way, I feel betrayed by the promises that were made to me in my youth. Again, I didn't have it bad in the grand scheme of things, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that I was a kid who got the raw end of the deal. The assurance was that as time progressed, that the hardship I faced earlier would equate to success later. When I was in my 30s, I realized what a lie that was. The fortunate kids ended up being fortunate adults, but without all the angst and fear.
Ultimately, a day doesn't go by where I don't beat myself up pretty bad for having a knack of always choosing option A when option B was the right choice.
So, here I am. Almost 50 years old and starting essentially from scratch. Time to take inventory. Time to look around. I have a good job that I really like. I have the best son I could ever imagine. If the universe makes bargains, then I guess I can live with this one. I'd rather have my son than all the wealth of the world. That's really the only important thing in my life.
I can figure out the rest as I go.
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